Note Passing with the Cullens!
by a regular saint mary
Summary: The Mysterious E? Edward's very large pockets? A dog named scampi! A series of notes, passed by the Cullens. OOC, and random. Rated T just in case. Some B.D. Spoilers!
1. The Kittens Lost their Mittens!

_Bella, _Alice: Edward's Room!

Well then, this is dumb.

Nuh-uh!

Er, 'yes-huh'

Why!?

Because, we are sitting right next to each other, in a room with no one else in it.

Yes, but it is in a house where everyone has super sonic bat ears.

Wow, _Bat ears _Bella?

No pun intended?

Riight.

Really Eddy-poo! I didn't mean to 'poke fun at your existence'

Eddy-poo…?

Don't be a butt.

Sorry, Love, but it is past three in the morning, if you don't get sleep now, I don't want to know how you'll act. You are already utterly delirious.

Nuh-uh! But you know what's funny?

What?

Hahaha. Pickle weasel!

Bella…

Eddy-poo…

I will force Carlisle to sedate you!

Ooh, yeah, you're big and scary!

That's right.

You're so scary, that the kittens are wobbling in their boots!

Why are the kittens wearing boots?

Because they lost there muffins.

I think you mean 'mittens'

Yeah, that's right. "Three little kittens lost there mittens, and sat on a tuffet."

O-okay, I think now it's time to get Carlisle.

Oooh

Hi Bella!

Hi Alice.

Where's Edward going?

To get Carlisle

Why?

To sedate me.

Why?

Because the kittens lost their mittens.

Err… okay Bella. You need to go to sleep.

Whhhhyyyy?

Because the kittens lost their Mittens.

Okay.

Edward!" Alice called out softly. 

Edward came back into his room, Carlisle in tow. Bella sleeping like a rock.

"Oh, so now she goes to sleep!" Edward said gruffly.

"Yup!" Alice chirped.

"How did you get her to?" He asked curiously.

"I told her the kittens lost their mittens." Alice replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Wow."

Hahaha. This is really hilarious to me.

Here's the story:

Whenever I'm like, REALLY tired, I get really delirious, and start talking about stupid things, or I start singing a song!

(Just ask my friends)

The Pickle Weasel thing?

When I was little, I used to get like, really hyper if I drank big red, and I would start going

"Hey! Hey! You wanna hear a funny word? Heh Heh. PICKLE WEASEL."

Anyway, what do ya think? Should I whip up some more?

R&R!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse.

Nor do I own the Nursery Rhymes about Little Miss Muffet or the Kittens who lost their mittens.


	2. Man Crushes?

-_Bella_, **Edward**, Alice: Biology! 

_Hey look. Mike Newton is staring at you_.

Aw! Maybe he has a man crush!

**Alice, that is an utterly repulsive thought. He is just thinking about how much he loathes me!**

You know you want a piece of that!

**Err, No.**

_Do I have to fight Mike before he goes and takes my man?_

**No Bella. Because he will never get-**

A piece of you, you big hunk of juicy man meat?

**...no. He will never get through me and Bella's relationship.**

_Because I love you!_

Aww! -gag-

**Parentheses/semi colon?**

_That was a sad face dearest eddy-poo._

**Oh**

You are not hip on today's terms are you Edward? Like how Bella is my: bfflbwash!

**Your WHAT?**

_I am her 'best friend for life because we are super hot'_

**Err...**

Lolomgwtfbbq!

_'laugh out loud, oh my god, what the freak, barbeque'!_

Exactly

**This is frightening.**

**Hee Hee! What if Mike Newton DID have a Man Crush on Eddy-poo?  
(: DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**


	3. It's That Bad

-Alice, _Bella,_ **Edward **:The Cullen's House! 

Bella. We. Are. Going. Shopping.

_Over. My. Dead. Body._

I could arrange that you know.

I wouldn't though, because you are my BFFLBWASH!!!

_Fine. I will go shopping with you, but only because I am your Buffalo Wash._

Hooray!

_Uh-huh._

**What's going on?**

_We're going shopping._

Hahahaahhaa.

_Thhhanks Edward._

**You're welcome.**

KK TTYL. ILY! BAI!

**Yes, a Buffalo Wash. Because that is what BBFLBWASH, reminds me of, every time I type it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! -curls up in the fetal position-**


	4. The Mysterious E!

-_Bella,_ Emmett, **Edward**: The Cullen's house! 

Bella.

_Emmett._

Why do you like passing these note thingies?

_Because they're fun._

Okay...

_They are!_

I'll take your word for it.

_Let's write a story!_

Okay!

_One day, a big man was walking down the street. "Hello! My name is the Mysterious E!" The man said, scaring the little children, and making babies cry._

Bella...

_Emmett..._

The wonderful, amazing, sexy Mysterious E came across a weak little human girl, and stopped in his tracks.  
"Why are your pants wet?" Mysterious E asked. "I peed myself because you are so glorious!" The Girl said.

_..."Because you are so gloriously idiotic." The girl said.  
"I know, it is because I'm on steroids!" Mysterious E said. "Well, you better be careful, because if you use steroids too much your pen---"_

Bella! I am not on steroids!

_Who said this was about you? I am talking about the MYSTERIOUS E!!!_

Okayyy, and I am talking about the girl who "I think is on craaaaaack."

_I AM NOT ON CRACK!_

Okay, then it's settled.

_You're no fun._

**Bella, I need to take you home now.**

_Aye! Aye! Eddy-poo._

**Hee Hee Hee. I have an odd sense of humor.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**


	5. Bratz Heads?

-**Edward**, _Bella,_ _**Rosalie:**_ The Cullen's House! 

_**Bella, why did you accuse my husband of being on steroids?**_

_I didn't! It was the MYSTERIOUS E! Besides, vampires can't even take steroids. Duuuh._

_**Okay then. Can Alice and I give you a makeover?**_

_No._

_**Why not?**_

_Because I am not your Barbie doll._

_**But it's no fun doing a makeover on myself, because I am already perfect.**_

_I'm going to buy you guys giant Bratz heads for Christmas._

_**Those horrid little dolls? No thank you.**_

**What about a Bratz head?**

_That is what I'm getting Alice and Rosalie for Christmas._

_**No you are not!**_

**Errr... I'll just be going now.**

"Bella! I do not want a giant head for Christmas!" Rosalie snapped.  
"Too bad Rose, I mean you're already big headed!" Alice sang, coming down the stairs. Rosalie glared at Alice.  
"Ready for your makeover Bella?" Alice asked.  
"No." Bella said, paling.

**Weee! These are just so fun to write!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. Nor do I own the company that makes Bratz dolls.**


	6. Hi, My name is Joe!

-**Edward**, _Bella_, Jasper: Charlie's House! 

**Bella, WHY do you insist on passing notes? Charlie isn't here.**

_Because dear Eddy-poo, they are great fun to me!_

Eddy-poo?! EDDY-POO! How could you guys not have informed me before of this glorious nickname?

**Thanks Bella.**

_You're welcome!_

Hahahahahaaaa. EDDY-POO!

_Hi, my name is Joe! And I work, in a Button Factory! One day, my boss came up to me and said "Hey, Joe. Are you busy?" I said No, "Okay, Push this button with your, right hand."_

**Bella? Why are you banging on the table with your hand?**

_Hi, my name is Joe! And I work, in a Button Factory! One day, my boss came up to me and said "Hey, Joe. Are you busy?" I said No, "Okay, Push this button with your, left hand."_

**O-okay, BELLA!**

Bella! What the Hell?

_Hi, my name is Joe! And I work, in a Button Factory! One day, my boss came up to me and said "Hey, Joe. Are you busy?" I said No, "Okay, Push this button with your, right foot"_

Dear god! Now she's singing!

**JASPER! Stop thinking that! NO, I will NOT let you stab her with the kitchen knife!**

Sorry Eddy-poo.

**How long do you think this will go on for?**

I have nooo idea.

**Why is she doing that with her head???**

It looks like she's having a seizure!

"Bella?" Edward asked, a look of horror on his beautiful face. Jasper was laughing uncontrollably at her.  
"I! Muh nam is Jo, end I wirk in a bu-on fatorree. Un day muh boz cem up to me..." Bella sang, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. "Errrr... Earth to Bella?" She abruptly stopped singing. "Sheesh Eddy-poo! I was in the middle of a song!"

**I wrote this, because yesterday during my last period (reading/writing) this song suddenly got stuck in my head. It's one of those campy songs. You start off saying right hand, and you have to move your hand, then you say left hand, and move your left and right hands, and so forth. It's hilarious when you finally get to the tongue and head part, because you have to sing with your tongue sticking out, and moving your head "head-banger" style.**

**(hahah, it makes no sense when I try to explain it)**

**-laughs-**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse, nor so I own the Button Song. ):**


	7. Emmett's Song

-**Edward**, Emmett: The Cullen's House! 

Wow! That is just an awesome song!

**Emmett... why on this green earth are you thinking of that song?**

I have no idea. It's just so catchy!

**No, it really isn't.**

No, but really, it is.

**Uh, no.**

Eddy-poo! Don't be a spoil sport, just shake your booty to the amazing song!

What?

**Eddy-poo!?!?!?**

What? Jasper told me...

**I am going to kill him.**

Not until you dance with me!!

**Emmett! For Pete's sake! I WILL NOT DANCE WITH YOU!**

Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time! Shake it to the right, if you know that you feel fine! Chicas to the front!  
Uh Uh go round!

Emmett...

Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time! Shake it to the right, If you know that you feel fine! Chicas to the front! Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight!

"EMMETT! I WILL NOT DANCE WITH YOU!" Edward shouted to a dancing Emmett.  
Emmett just ignored him, and kept on shakin' his groove thang!  
"Emmett? What, the hell, are you, DOING?" Rosalie said trying to stay calm. "Dancing." He said. A burst of laughter came from the other side of the room.  
"Hahahaaa, wait until I tell Carlisle!" Esme said, laughing.

**Ten points to anyone who knows what song I was talking about!  
Anyway, I'm tired, and am not coming up with very good ideas. Listening to my MP3 player gave me this idea though. XD**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse, Nor do I own the Song that was mentioned!**


	8. Mysterious E 2

-Bella, Edward, Emmett: The Cullen▓s House! 

Sooo...

_Soooooooooooooooooooo..._

**This is a complete waste of my mental energy.**

_You know it's F U N!_

F is for friends who do stuff together!

_U is for U and MEEEE!_

N is for anywhere and any time at all! Down here in the deep blue sea!

**...Why?**

_Because._

I could dance to the Spice Girls again...

**NO! PLEASE, DEAR GOD NO!**

How about the Button song?

**Bella, no, I think you caused yourself damage last time... psycological damage.**

_Oh Eddy-poo._

Yeaaaah, normal.

_OOH! Let's write another story!_

YEAH!

**O-okay.**

_It was a rainy day in the glorious-wonderful-magical FORKS, WASHINGTON. The Mysterious E, was skipping along, looking for a tasty chipmunk to eat._

**When this big buffoon named 'The Mysterious E' spotted the chipmunk he GLEEFULLY clapped his hands like a small child, but decided to spare the chipmunk it's life. He kept it as a Pet.**

Big and Sexy TME, and his pet chipmunk were the best of friends, until one day...

_TME and Chipmunk discovered they had feelings for one another_.

**No. No. No. I refuse to write a story that has BEASTIALITY in it.**

I would never do that with a chipmunk.

_IT'S THE MYSTERIOUS EEEEE! Not YOU Emmett!  
_

I still believe you are on Crack.

**Bella... are You on Crack?**

_No. Sheesh! You guys are wankers._

**Aw. Not my best, I know. My creative juices aren't flowing because it is only 8 am, and I went to bed at 1 am.  
Anyways, to all of you guys who guessed Spice Girls' 'Spice up your Life'YOU WERE RIGHT!  
Hooray! 10 points for all of you.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse, nor Do I own the 'Fun' Song, that's from Spongebob.**


	9. Bella's Identity Crisis

_-Bella_, Alice: Biology! 

Bella, please stop pouting, you know that Edward is coming back tonight!

_I can't help it. He's the Ghetto to my Gangster._

He... he's the what...?

_THE GHETTO TO MY GANSTA!_

Bella, I think you're having an identity crisis.

_Yo, Dawg, I ain't knowin what you talkin' bout. Fo' Real._

I will seriously slap you.

_Don't be trippin A-dizzle._

Okay, this is where I draw the line. A-dizzle!?

_Don't hate on me!_

Okay, 'B-money'.

_Yeah! Now you gets it A-dizzle._

Seriously, please stop.

_Why? I'm jus' showin' you my true colors!_

...Your true colors are to act like a Wangster?

_Short up!_

...You're such a cracker Bella.

_Oh poo on you. It was fun!!!_

Sure it was┘ sure it was┘

_A-DIZZLE!_

Okay, I'm forcing you to go shopping with me now.

_NOOOOOOOO!_

**Hahha. This is based off an inside joke with my friends. The "Ghetto to my Gangster" thing, was something my friend Bee started up about two of my Friends.  
Paige and John.**

**Okay, I need to work on my other story now!**


	10. Scamp

**-Edward, **Emmett, _Bella: _Charlie's House!

_OHMYGOSH! CHARLIE GOT ME A PUPPY!_

**Uch, that big headed Chihuahua monstrosity?**

_HE IS ADORABLE!_

AWW. WOOK AT DA WITTLE PUPPY!

_See, Emmett likes him!_

**Emmett, is a big buffoon. **

I am just showing Little Emmett some love!

_That's not his name. _

Yes it is.

_No it isn't. I was thinking of Eddy-poo…_

**You wouldn't dare. **

_Nope, I'm actually naming him Scamp!_

**How appropriate. **

But….but…what about little Emmett?

**Haha! Looks like Little Emmett aka Scamp just did a little piddly-diddly business on your shoe!**

MY SHOES!?

_Awww, he is just so cute! NO! SCAMP! DON'T LICK THAT!_

**That, is disgusting.**

MY SHOES!

**Yup, your shoes. **

Ewww. Bella stepped in it!

**That's repulsive **

**EMMETT! WATCH OUT FOR THE…**

Bella was shocked. Scamp lay on his side, knocked unconscious.

Edward stared wide eyed.

Emmett was sobbing over his beautiful Italian shoes.

Scamp's leg twitched, but then lay motionless.

"Ohmigod, EMMETT! YOU KICKED MY DOG IN THE HEAD!!!!" Bella cried, checking for Scamp's tiny heart beat.

"HE PEED ON MY _SHOES!" _Emmett yelled, stroking the destroyed leather, he was distraught.

"WHY SCAMP!? WHYYYY!?" Bella was softly weeping, dutifully waiting for her beloved dog to wake up.

Edward held in his laughter. He couldn't wait to tell Carlisle about this.

**I know it is sooo wrong to have Emmett accidentally kick the puppy in the head, but it is something I have done many a time to my dog (ACCIDENTALLY, mind you), but she's still alive. **

**I couldn't stop laughing when I wrote this, because I have a sick sense of humor. **

**I couldn't think of a name for a dog other then Scamp, does anyone have any suggestions? I will credit you in my chapter. -does puppy dog eyes-**

**R&R**


	11. Ecollars

_Bella, _Alice: Biology!

How is Scampi?

Fine. The veterinarian said there was no severe damage.

I still can't believe Emmett kicked your dog in the head.

It was sort of funny…

Ohmigod Eddy-poo! It sooo wasn't.

Well, it was funny when he was licking up his--

No! Because then the Devil (aka Emmett) had to go and kick him in the head over stupid Italian leather shoes.

His special made, fine Italian leather shoes?!

I suppose.

But… but… those were

So? My dog is in an e-collar now, from emotional distress! He keeps trying to gnaw his little butt off!

AN E-COLLAR?! Hhhahahahahahaha.

It isn't funny!!

Hahahaaa. Yes, it really is!

You guys are heartless!

Oh, that hurt Bella.

Seriously, we already know we don't have hearts. Way to rub it in!

I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry.

HAHAHA. Just kidding. No it's fine. But seriously, an E-COLLAR?

Yes Eddy-poo, an e-collar.

When can I see him?!

Today I guess, but the Devil can't come, because he'll just cause Scampi more trauma.

Hahahaaa. An e-collar!

Thank you for the name recommendations!

I decided to go with Scampi, because I just laughed so darn hard when I read The Muffyn Man's review!

E-collar's are pretty entertaining, but are also very sad. My cat had to have one, and he was always walking backwards.

Okay, here is something serious I want to point out:

THIS STORY (type thing) IS SUPPOSED TO BE OCC AND RANDOM.

It is just FOR FUN.

Okay?

So it isn't very necessary to comment telling me how horrible it is okay?

R&R


	12. The Volvo

_Bella_: The Cullen's House!

Bella, I know you're hiding something from me. What did you do?

Nothin'

Come on, tell me.

But I didn't do it! It was Emmett.

HA HA! Victory! What did Emmett do?

Well remember, yesterday, when I brought Scampi over?

Yes…

Um, well, he went into the Garage, where Emmett and Rosalie were, and Emmett was all:

"YO DOG." And he got a screw driver, and threw it at Scampi, but Scampi ran away, and um, um, it hit your car instead. Emmett is holding a very unhealthy grudge against my puppy…

My… my Volvo?

Yeah, and that's why there's a pooh bear sticker on the car. Because I put it there.

MY VOLVO?

Yesss. We went over this.

Edward quickly ran outside, Bella trying to keep up. Yeah, I know, fat chance!

He ripped off the glorious pooh-bear sticker, to reveal a scratch about three centimeters long.

"NOOOOOO!!!" He weeped, and he curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth.

"So I take it he found out?" Rosalie asked, surveying the scene. She was holding Scampi.

He whimpered, and Rosalie lowered him to the ground, where he proceeded to fall over, due to the humongous e-collar.

Ah, Edward and his Volvo! So, today, since I am recovering from my mini-cold, I shall be back at school! I have a double Civics period and no science, so I'll be writing another chapter for "Because I love You" and working on my new story.(BTW: Double Civics Period means instead of the usual hour long class, I go for two hours, and won't have Science until tomorrow. Friday's are always double Science. D: )

DISCLAIMER: Duh, I don't own anything Twilight related!


	13. Choking Hazard

-Emmett, _Bella, _**Edward: **The Cullen's House!

I hate your dog, Bella.

_But he LOVES you!_

**Yes, Little Emmett DOES love you!**

I have no intentions of calling him "Little Emmett". Thank you very much.

_Whose up for some Bugles?_

**Little Emmett would like some!**

Dangit.

**What?**

_Yeah Emmett, are you mad that you can't have these DELICIOUS Bugles?_

No, I just wanted those dang pixie stix.

**We can't eat. **

That's why I said Dangit.

_I bet you were going to make a pipe bomb, and feed it to Lil' Emmett _

You need to stay out of my head! You're starting to sound like Edward.

_I know, because he's the one who told me!_

**Straight up!**

Emmett, Bella, and Edward were interrupted by a small gagging noise.

"EL DIABLO! YOUR WITCH CRAFT IS KILLING MY DOG!" Bella shouted, doing the heimlich manuever on Scampi.

"GIVE HIM MOUTH TO MOUTH!"

"HECKS NO."

A tiny chunk of bugle came flying out of the dog's mouth.

**Bugles, are icky.**

**Again, Paige helped write this. She was Emmett. **

**DISClAIMER: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own the bugles company. But I **_**do **_**own a bag of bugles!**


	14. Bella's Little Problem

-_Bella, _Alice, **Edward, _Emmett: _**The Cullen's House!

Eww, Bella, what's wrong with your eyeballs?

Alice, I am very sensitive about this… er, condition of mine.

What condition? Eye herpes?

Hee Hee

Bella has "the pink eye".

Yup! Thanks for explaining Eddy-poo.

**You're welcome!**

****

**_Do tell, Eddy-poo, what is "the pink eye"?_**

Duh! What Bella has!

****

**_Uh-huh…_**

AHH! Something crusty just fell on the paper!

**Ick! Stop Little Emmett before he eats it!**

****

**_Oh, how I loathe you._**

_I can't believe you people!_

What? I can take you shopping if it'll make you feel better…

NO

Hahahahaha

_My eyes! They burn!_

_**There's a Visine for that!**_

**Ooh. Very helpful.**

Maybe we should get Carlisle…?

****

**_OMG LOOK!_**

Bella reached for the tiny bottle of her antibiotics on the table, only to grab the bottle of vinegar sitting there instead. Her eyes were closed. "Bella!" Edward tried to call out. Emmett clamped his hand over Edward's delicious mouth. Bella cracked her eyes open, and out a teeny drop of vinegar in her left eye. "OUCH! HOLY HECK, THIS ISN'T MY EYE DROPS!!!" Bella said, tears rolling down her face. "Okay, _now _we get Carlisle." Alice said, wide eyed.

**

* * *

**

I am a terrible person, I know. I dedicate this to my dad, who has pink eye--he inspired me to write this--and to my mom, who had pink eye once and we all made fun of her. Anyway, I do not know why the

Cullen's would have vinegar, it is a mystery that will never be solved!


	15. Eye Patches

**-_Rosalie, _**Jasper, _Bella,_** Edward: **Charlie's House!

Snazzy eye patch Bella.

Gee, thanks Jasper.

You look like a pirate!

ARG! I've got to hide me booty!

****

**_YO HO, YO HO! A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!_**

I hate you people, I truly do.

Even me Bella?

Dearest Eddy-poo, I still love you!

****

**_Er, the pirate look works for you?_**

_Oh, yeah. It really goes with my beard and peg leg._

YOU HAVE A PEG LEG??

No.

Oh. You just killed me Bella.

****

You're such a drama queen Jasper.

* * *

**  
**

**-chants- REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, nor the Pirate's Life song.**

********


	16. A New Name for Alice

-**_Emmett, _**Alice, _Bella, _**Edward: **The Cullen's House!

So, Scampi gets his e-collar off today.

Grrr.

Yay for Little Em!

What did the vet say?

_To keep El Diablo away from him until he is fully recovered from all of his emotional distress._

__

Whoopdeedoo!

_Emmett, I think I know what this is about._

__

Oh really?

_You're jealous of Little Emmett!!_

_**WHAT?!**_

**It's okay El Diablo, we still love you as much as we love Lil' Emmett.**

Eddy-poo is right.

Okay, why does everyone have a nickname but me?

Emmett is El Diablo, Edward is Eddy-poo, even the DOG has a nickname!

Do you want a nick name Alice?

Yes.

**How about Shoppers Anonymous?**

****

**_Hahaha_**

_Umm, what about….Oh, just come back to me!_

Or, what about Tiny Dancer?

…I SAID COME BACK TO ME!

I've got it!

Oh, this should be good.

****

**_MAX!_**

MAX?

****

**_No need to thank me, I know it's beautiful._**

Damn you. Damn you all.

**

* * *

**

Woooah, first update in awhile eh? I've been writing them on very colorful paper, just not typing them up. O.o

Anywho! My personal favorite is Tiny Dancer, because once, on television, there was a HORSE named Tiny Dancer.

Which name, dearest readers, do you like best?

DISCLAIMER: I STILL DON'T OWN IT.


	17. Daisy

_-Bella, _Emmett, **Edward: **The Cullen's House!

**Emmett! Stop blocking your thoughts from me, I know you did something wrong.**

Nuh-uh

_Come on, You can tell Me!_

Nuh-uh.

_You know Max (aka Alice) has already seen what you've done right?_

So?

**Wait, did you guys hear that?**

WHAT? HEAR WHAT? AHH.

_I-is that a SHEEP?_

**...Emmett? **

What? I didn't steal a sheep! Nope, not even!

_Ewuu, I think your little friend just pooped!_

I DIDN'T STEAL A SHEEP.

The sheep bahhed in protest. "Shhh, Daisy!" Emmett snapped, affectionately petting the large animals head. Bella stared, mouth opened wide. Alice decended down the stairs, laughing like a maniac at the sheep. "hahahaaa."  
Edward glared. "Why, on God's green earth, did you steal a sheep?" He hissed."I unno." Emmett said, feiging innocence.

"Huh. You're not going to eat it then?" Alice asked, squinting.  
"Nope. Daisy is just my new best friend Max." Emmett replied, smiling.Alice's face clouded over. "Max?""Yup."Bella burst into tears."I thought _I _was your best friend El Diablo!"  
Edward patted her back, glaring at Emmett. "I can't believe you chose an overly stuffed animal over Bella."

* * *

**Woooah, it seems like I haven't updated in a while. I was inspired after seeing a picture of these three sheep. xD**

**YESSS.**** Alice has gotten her nickname, MAX. **

**Happy Reading!**


	18. Bella's all Vampireish!

**-Edward, **_Bella: _The Cullen's House!

**Bella, why, pray tell, are you covered in glitter?**

_I'm practicing being a vampire! _

_What, Eddy-poo?_

**I don't understand... **

_Kay, I'll explain. You get all sparkly and delicious in the sun!_

**Yes, I am aware of that... WAIT. Delicious? **

_We have no time for banter Eddy-poo. Okay, are you comprehending though? _

**Yes, but we haven't agreed on turning you into a vampire. **

_Yes we have. _

_IN MY MIND. _

**What...?**

_Sheesh, Edward, did you not catch any of those telepathic messages?_

**Hardy-har-har. **

_I'm serious!_

**Eww, I just inhaled one of your sparkly things!**

_What did it taste like?_

**Excuse me?**

_Well, the tube thing said it was flavored or something. _

**I don't know! What, am I supposed to lick your arm?**

_Yes._

**No. It wouldn't taste the same to me as it would to you anyway. **

_Fine._

**BELLA! DON'T YOU DARE LICK YOUR ARM!**

_Eww, it tastes like cough syrup!_

**That's what you get for licking your arm. **

_Oh, Eddy-poo! Wee! I feel all VAMPIRE-ISH! _

**Ha! Except that for the fact that you gt woozy at the smell of blood, and your heart still beats?**

_Exactly. _

**That's what I thought. **

* * *

**So, I had this glitter filled bracelet, and I cut it in half, and put all the glitter on my arms. My first thought was: "HAHA. I'M A VAMPIRE!" Then, I thought it would be funny if I went "Grrrr." It was. It was hysterical. **

**Happy Reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own Twilight. **


	19. Too Sexay

_Bella, _Alice, _**Mike Newton, **_**Edward**_**-**_ Biology!

_Omipete! He is sooo C-U-T-E!_

Uh... no, not really Bella.

_You're just saying that because he's your--_

ICK.

_You cut me off!_

Whut-eva!

_You ho. _

Now Jasper on the other hand...

_He's just okay. _

You're just saying that because he's like a brother to you.

_Exactly. _

_**Wow Bella, I never knew you felt this way.**_

_Uch! Not __you __Mike! (ALICE! HOW DID HE GET THE PAPER!?) _

I dunno. But seriously Mike, you've got nooo chance.

_**Psh. Is it because I'm too sexy? **_

I thought you had a man crush on Eddy-poo?

_**Bella? Are you okay? Omigod! She's gagging!**_

**WHO MADE BELLA CHOKE!? **

MIKE NEWTON!

_**But... NO!**_

**YOU WANKER!**

_**...Huh? **_

Bella sat in her chair, choking and gasping for air, while Edward and Mike tried not to kill eachother. Well, while Edward was being totally manly, the only polite way to put Mike's fighting skills were... uh, sissy. Alice sat, observing the scene, before finally hitting Bella on the back, making a small object fly out of her mouth.

"MIKE NEWTON MADE ME GAG, AND THEN I DECIDED TO EAT A PEANUT, AND I CHOKED." Bella whispered yelled, waving her hands in the air. She glared at Mike. "No more peanuts for you." Edward said sternly, patting her on the head.

The teacher didn't even notice the scene they were making, her kept on with his lecture.

* * *

**I wrote this during Science, when I should have been studying for my test--that's how much I love you guys. :)**

**Happy Reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not even the Peanuts. **


	20. Lamb of God

**-Edward, **_Bella: _Bella's Room!

**Bella, is that... is that a PEANUT? **

_Maybe..._

**Dear God. **

_What? I just love these little nuts!_

**Where's your stash?**

_Sheesh Eddy-poo, you make it sound like I'm on drugs. _

**Sometimes I think you might be... AHA! **

_Crud. _

**TRIUMPH!**

_Hey! How'd you get that peanut out of my mouth?!_

**I have my ways. **

_Do you not want me to eat peanuts because I am a lamb of God? _

**A... lamb of god? **

_SI SENOR! _

**No, I do not want you eating peanuts, because you are worse then a small child. You could start choking on AIR at any minute. **

_Nuh-uh Eddy-poo. _

**I bet you would.**

_Hey, where'd you put the peanuts?_

**What is your obsession with peanuts!?**

_No seriously, because Scampi is all like "MUNCH, MUNCH, CRUNCH!" _

**Woah! He's swelling up like a helium balloon!**

_Is it possible for a dog to be allergic to peanuts? _

**Obviously!**

* * *

**I felt Scampi deserved to be featured in another chapter! I was texting my mom, and she randomly goes: "bcuz u r a lamb of god" so thats where that came from! Meh, my throat hurts. :C **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. -dies-  
**


	21. Scampi

**-Edward**, _Bella_: The Cullen's House!

_Eddy, do you think Scampi is dead?_

**Its a possibility.**

_Oh, that hurts. I bet you wanted him to die all along!_

**NO I DIDN'T!**

_Uh-huh sure._

* * *

**So, if you go through my story, you'll notice that the chapter "Broken Radios" has been removed. Why? Because apparently, it offended a lot of people. I added this sucky little chapter, just because. On top of being sick, I'm now pissed off. And also, WHO CARES if there is another story like this out there in Fan Fiction land? I wrote it, because I wanted to. I haven't found another story like this, So, I'm _so sorry _if you think I'm copying, I'm not. **

**If you have the audacity, to leave me a very long review, telling me that my story is a rip off, then EMAIL me. **

**Kay? Great.  
**


	22. Buns

_-Bella, _**Edward: **Biology!

_Edward, I need to tell you something important. _

**Dear God, what? **

_I'm pregnant!_

**Exqueeze me? **

_P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T_

**Oh really now? Who did that to you? **

_Jacob Black put this bun in my oven!_

**WHAT!? **

_Haha, just kidding. Like I really want Jacob Black's babies. GROSS. _

**Bella, that wasn't funny. **

_No, but really, it was. _

**Do you want Jacob Black's babies? **

_Ewww! NO. _

**I will kill that homewrecker Bella. **

_Homewrecker? Omigod Eddy-poo, for the last time: I DON'T WANT HIS BABIES. _

**Good. **

_I want YOUR babies. _

**Uh, I can't help you "produce" a baby. **

_I know, but a girl can dream can't she? _

**Seriously, how many times have you smacked your head on the pavement? **

_Oh, that hurts Eddy. _

**Ah! Bella, don't tip back in your chair like that!**

_THWACK! _Bella tipped over in her chair, falling on the tile. Edward stared in horror, for how could he have let this happen? Bella burst out laughing, "Okay Eddy-poo, I think that's the tenth time I've hit my head on the floor."

* * *

**YAY, a new chapter. It made me giggle. I got this idea after listening to a Podcast, from the Twilight Lexicon, and then how many "BELLA GETS PREGGERS" stories out there. There's a lot. But I do actually like "Moonrise" by DaZzLeR At HeArT. You deserve a pony!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything remotely related to the "Twilight" series. **


	23. Prosthetic Lips

_-Bella, _**Edward, **Alice: The Kitchen at Charlie's House!

_This one time, when I was little, I had this doll. Then when I went camping and , a chipmunk came and chewed it's lips off, and _

A chipmunk chewed it's lips off?

_Yes! And then I was all afraid it would come and chew my lips off._

**The doll or the chipmunk? **

_The chipmunk. But the doll was scary too. _

Why did you go camping with your baby doll?

**Yeah, why would you do that? **

_I took the doll with me, when I went Camping with Charlie, you hobos!_

**Why did you go camping with Charlie? I thought you didn't like to go camping!**

_I was four years old! I was practically forced! _

**And the doll got it's lips chewed off too? **

_That's what I said. _

But you didn't get your lips chewed off right?

_No, I still have my lips. _

**Good. **

So they're not prosthetic?

_What? I'm so confuzzled. _

You know, fake.

_Duh, I'm not stupid!_

**You must have a good memory if you remembered something from when You were four. **

_I guess. _

Aren't chipmunks the cutest things?

**They taste horrible though. **

I think Emmett tried to run over a chipmunk with his Jeep once.

_That's horrible!_

**Don't worry Bella, the chipmunk lived. **

_Good._

* * *

**I'm talking to my friend Alexis on MSN instant messenger, and she told me to "GO WRITE BEFORE CHIPMUNK CHEW YOUR LIPS OFF" and told me about the time a chipmunk chewed the lips off her baby doll, and she thought they were going to chew off her lips. **

**POOF, (ha ha, I almost put: "Poog") out popped this chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER: SRSLY, I OWN NOTHING. **


	24. This is Grillz

**-Edward**_, Bella: _Edward's Room!

**Bella, have you made a decision yet? **

_Eddy, you can't rush me, you have too many CDs! _

**Fine, but it couldn't hurt to hurry up just a little bit. **

_Edward… what is this? _

**What? **

"_Edward's Special Dance Mix" What is that?_

**Nothing. Nothing at all! Hey look, why don't we listen to some classical music?**

_No! I want to listen to your special dance mix Eddy-poo. It's the least you could do for nearly killing my dog. _

**I didn't kill Scampi! He's in the recovery center for dogs!**

_Yeah, well, you guys always abuse him! On a different subject, LETS LISTEN TO YOUR DANCE MIX!_

**Grr. Let me go put it in the stereo.**

_Yeah, because you don't trust me to put it in your fancy pants stereo. _

**There, happy? **

Bella burst out laughing. "Y-y-you have _Grillz _on here? Hahahahaa." Edward looked away, offended. "So, I like to dance." Bella tried to keep herself from laughing. "Eddy-poo, will you dance for me?" Edward shook his head. "Come on, please? Go and shake your sweet buns!"

"My sweet buns?"

"Yep."

"No."

"Yessssss!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Fine."

Edward, danced doing his best rapper impression, which was pretty darn good. Emmett, burst into the room. "HOW COULD YOU HAVE A PARTY WITHOUT ME!?"  
He cried out, pouting at Bella. "I'm sorry El Diablo."El Diablo shrugged. Edward, not noticing Emmett, got more into his dancing.

"GO WHITE BOY! GO WHITE BOY-GO!" Emmett shouted.  
"Guys? Whats going on in here!?" Esme shouted, coming into the room, just as _My Humps _started playing. Her eyes were wide. "Um, Edward sweetie? What are you doing?  
"You know, DANCIN!" Bella said, dabbing at her eyes."Alrighty then." Esme said, slowly backing out of the room.

* * *

**This was really stupid, I know. But I was going through my music library, and Grillz suddenly started playing, and for some reason, the image of Edward dancing came to mind.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from the "Twilight" Series, or "Grillz" (by Nelly or whoever) or "My Humps", (that's The Black Eyed Peas)**


	25. Thriftway

-Alice, _Bella: _Bella's Room!

_Another day without my dear Eddy-poo. HOW WILL I GO ON LIVING?_

Bella, stop being so melodramatic.

_How would you feel if Jasper was gone like this?_

On a 'camping trip' you mean?

_Yes. _

Well Bella, where is Jasper currently?

_...On a 'camping trip'. _

Exactly. And I am perfectly fine!

_I know, but I just miss him so much!_

Who? Jasper? Why would you miss Jasper?

_NO! Edward._

Oh!

_I need to do something to keep my mind off of him._

I have the perfect idea!

_What is it?_

You must wait until sun down, young grass hopper!

_A-DIZZLE! COME ON._

B-money, I will not start this again.

_Whatever, whatever! I do what I want!_

SUNDOWN!

Later that night...

"Alice? This plan is AWESOME!" Bella squealed, zipping up her black hoodie. "I know, that is because we are BFFLBWASH-s, and I am a genius!"

"Duh-nuh, Duh-nuh, DUH-NUH, DUH-NUH!" Bella whisper sang, crouching down on the curb. Alice stared at her. "Shouldn't you be humming the Mission Impossible theme song?" Bella shook her head. "Nope."

"TARGET SIGHTED! ICEBERG STRAIGHT AHEAD!" Alice shouted, grabbing Bella, and running to the abandoned shopping cart in the middle of the Thriftway parking lot.

"YES!" Bella said, pumping her fists in the air, then doing the cabbage patch.

"I GOT A SHOPPING CART! I GOT A SHOPPING CART!" She sang, off-key I might add. Out of nowhere, Alice shoved a whole cabbage in Bella's mouth.

"YES! MY CABBAGE DID NOT FAIL ME!"

Bella grabbed the cabbage, and threw it at Alice's head. It boomeranged back, and smacked _her_ in the forehead. "WHY? WHY HAST THOU FAILED-ETH ME!?"

She cried, as Alice less then gently threw her into the cart.

"HIGH HO SILVER!" Alice said, pushing the cart at an incredibly fast speed, then jumping in.

It flew down the road, and past the school, until they collided with what they thought was a fat man.

The cart tipped over, and they fell onto the road. Alice, landing on Mike Newton.

"OH NO! IT'S MIKE NEWTON!" She shouted shrilly, screaming.

"MY RIBS! MY RIBS!" Mike said, curling up in the fetal position.

"What's going on here kids?" Came the ever so familiar voice of everyone's favorite cop-CHARLIE!

"Hi Dad!" Bella giggled, giving him a hug.

* * *

**It is one of my goals in life to steal a shopping cart. I did the Shakespearian-talk thing because sometimes me and my friends will talk like that. **

**Happy Reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: NOTHING. I OWN NOTHING. **


	26. Chainsaws are Delicious

**-Edward, **_Bella, _Jasper, _**Emmett**_: The Cullen's Kitchen!

**I can't believe I had to bail you out of jail. **

I can't believe Charlie actually put you in jail! Haha, that mug shot is priceless!

_Hey! Blame Alice! It was her idea! _

Which you were stupid enough to go along with?

_Exactly. WAIT. I take offense to that!_

I'm laughing... in my mind.

**Wow, he really is. **

_Glad you find this funny Eddy-poo!_

**I don't, Jasper does!**

So, what did you tell Charlie anyway?

_He was like "What's going on here?" And Alice said, "It was self-defense! Mike came after us with a chainsaw." And Charlie said "Well, where's the chainsaw now?" and I, being a glorified genius said, "He ate it." _

HA! You a genius? Hahahaha.

**How would it be possible for Mike Newton to eat a chainsaw?**

_Oh, you know!_

**Uh, no. **

_So, is El Diablo still mad at me? _

_**STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!**_

_Oh, you're such a drama queen!_

_**Oh yeah? Well, you eat chicken!**_

_Chicken is delicous!_

* * *

**I got this idea, when I was taking out the trash, and after I talked to my friend Alexis on the phone. **

**DISCLAIMER: Nope, I own NOTHING.  
**


	27. Cilit Bang

_Bella, __**Emmett: **_The Cullen's House!

_**So we meet again!**_

_We never continued the Mysterious E's story you know. _

_**Because you were all "HI. I'M BELLA. ANIMAL SEX." **_

_I did not!_

_**You might as well have. **_

_Yeah sure. Okay, should I start us off? _

_**WHATEVA. **_

_The mysterious E, losing his special friend, was sitting on a park bench, with an old lady. _

_**He turned to the old lady, and asked "what kind of cleaner do YOU use? Because, I being a totally SEX-AY beast, use..." **_

_"CILIT BANG!" (Oh, and I think EDWARD has the role of SEX-AY BEAST covered) _

_**The old lady whipped her head around, and gasped. "What a cowinkydink! Because I also use, **_

_"CILIT BANG! CILIT BANG! CILIT CILIT CILIT BANG!" _

_**Okay, this is just creepy now. What is Cilit Bang? **_

_The seventh natural wonder of the WORLD!_

_**No it isn't. That's like, Walmart or something. **_

_NO. Walmart has NOTHING on CILIT BANG El Diablo!_

_**Walmart is the SHIZ Bella. **_

_LIME SCALE, RUST, GROUND-IN DIRT!_

_**...You've won this round, but I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED AGAIN!**_

* * *

**AHH. Cilit Bang! I was randomly searching on YouTube, and I remembered this thing called "Cilit Bang" and i typed it in, and watched the video like six times before writing this. It's just so darn catchy! I also wanted to write something involving the Mysterious E.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Cilit Bang, Walmart, or anything related to Twilight!**_**  
**_


	28. Scampi Returns!

-Alice, **Edward, **_**Emmett, **__Bella: _The Cullen's House!

_**NOOO! SCAMPI IS STILL ALIVE? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?**_

_El Diablo, seriously, this is not healthy! AND YES. YES HE IS STILL ALIVE YOU POOG. _

Aw, I think Little Emmett is simply adorable!

**BELLA. ARE THOSE PEANUTS?**

_Maybe…_

_**OOH. GIVE THEM TO ME. **_

NO BELLA! DON'T DO IT!

**Bella, give me the peanuts. **

_But they are full of goodness!_

_**And CILIT BANG!**_

_Don't hate on me El Diablo. _

There goes Little Emmett, marking his territory!

_**Heh! Just like I taught him!**_

**You don't even like Scampi. **

_**Well, now I do, because he just marked his territory on YOUR shoes Eddy!**_

**No. Those are your shoes Emmett. **

_Uh-oh! EMMETT. YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DOG!_

_**My…my NEW shoes? That replaced the ones he PEED on before!?**_

I think so. That sucks, I mean, I JUST bought those. They were imported from Italy!!

_**WHY DOES SCAMPI HATE ME AND MY SHOES?**_

_I dunno… because you hate him?_

_**Only because he peed on my shoes!**_

**What's with you and your shoes anyway?**

YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!

**What?**

EDWARD. Shoes are what completes the outfit! They are CRUCIAL. If you don't have nice shoes, you will forever be branded "That guy with bad shoes!"

_Well, I wear the same shoes almost everyday, what does that make me? _

A shoe repeater, which is just as bad!

**Bella, pay her no mind. **

_Eddy-poo, do you still love me, even if I am a shoe repeater?_

**Of course!**

_M'kay good! I love you too. Hey, what is El Diablo doing? _

Is he communicating with Scampi?

**That isn't possible, he's just going "arf, arf". **

_Whatever happened to his sheep? _

**Huh, I think he 'ate' it. **

No, Jasper did.

_What did you tell Emmett?_

Jasper did it.

_Ooh, good one!_

* * *

**Yay! An update! I was like "HEY. INSPIRATION." Alas, I am a fellow shoe repeater. c: **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. **

**Happy Reading!**


	29. Bicycles

-1**-Edward, **_Bella, __**Rosalie, **_Alice: The Cullen's House!

**Another day, another piece of paper being passed around when we could just be speaking!**

_Ah, Eddy-poo, I thought you were warming up to the idea of passing notes now!_

**Obviously, not. **

_**Blah, Blah. Let's do something, all we ever do is sit around, while Bella, Alice, and Emmett do something stupid.**_

I resent that! How is stealing a shopping cart stupid?

_**Exactly.**_

_I want to learn how to ride a bike!_

**You… can't ride a bike?**

_Bikes require balance, which I lack. Ya know, like a turkey!_

**Okay, I think I'll just ignore that last part.**

_**Sounds like fun! **_

**Wow. Rosalie, saying something Bella suggested as FUN?**

_**Don't be a meathead. There's a first time for everything!**_

_Yeah Eddy-poo! Don't be a poop!_

Ooh! I saw this coming, good thing I got you a bike Bella!

_Okay!_

Eddy-poo, Bella, Max, and Rosalie headed out to the garage, where four bikes sat. Three of them were black, and reeked of "Alice spent way too much moolah on me!"

Beside the bikes, was a small pink one. With tassels and a basket with My Little Ponies on it.

Eddy-poo shook his head, the gorgeous bronze hair that sat atop it, falling into his eyes.

Bella's mouth was wide open, her eyes dull. "WHY CAN'T I HAVE A BIG GIRL BIKE?" She cried out, Edward patting her on the back. Alice sighed dramatically. "Emmett picked it out! But if I must, I'll ride it. Darn my small body!"

Bella clapped gleefully, and sat on one of the bigger bikes, only to fall over, hitting the floor like a rock.

"Tastes like rainbows!" She giggled, spitting out some dirt.

"Okay Bella, we're going to explain this _very _slowly." Rosalie said, mounting her bike.

Bella nodded.

One hour later…

"So I pull this doohicky, and it makes it stop? And this thing-a-ma-bob makes it go, when I push them in a circular motion?" Bella asked the four vampires, who were banging their heads on the handle bars, pinching the bridges of their noses, and singing. "My little pony! My little pony! You'll always be in my heart!" Alice finished, doing her jazz hands.

"Yes Bella, for the final time YES." Rosalie screeched, throwing Bella on the bike, and pushing her forward. The bike took off at a fast speed. "BRAKE BELLA! BRAKE!" Edward yelled, running beside her. Bella searched frantically for the break, which her left hand was sitting on. "EDDY-POO! I CAN'T FIND IT!" She sobbed. Edward slammed his own hand down on the break, sending Bella flying, only to land on the scrumdiddlyumptious, Doctor Carlisle Cullen! "Oof!" He said, as Bella hit him with a thud.

"Well hello there Bella, what can I do for you?" He asked, sitting her in the upright position.

"THE GRINCH MADE ME DO IT!" She yelled, as Eddy scooped her up.

**

* * *

**

**I was riding my bike, and my sister was on the handle bars, and we almost got run over by a car, because I was on the wrong side of the road. xD**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything. Not My Little Pony, or the Grinch. I don't even own Edward Cullen. The world hates me. TT-TT **


	30. The Tictac Incident

**-Edward, **_Bella, _Alice: Bella's Room!

Hey, Bella, do you remember the "tic-tac" incident?

**What 'tic-tac' incident?**

_Huh? What? Nope, who's up for some taquitos and Grey's Anatomy? _

I don't know what a taquito is, and Carlisle is your Grey's Anatomy buddy.

**I want to hear about the tic-tac!!**

One time, when you were hunting, me and Bella went shopping, and she had some tic-tacs, and the window was open, and she was like "IMMA THROW DIS TIC-TAC AT SOMEONE BETCH."

_I did not say it like that!_

Yeah-huh!

_Nuh-uh!_

Whuteva! Then this military guy pulls into the parking space, and he got out, but his window was open, and Bella got a tic-tac, and threw it inside the guys car, then got all scared he was going to come after her with a hacksaw.

**Hahahaha!**

_It's not funny! How am I supposed to know he didn't have one in his trunk!?_

**Commonsense?**

_Maybe…_

**

* * *

**

**Oops, I like, hung up the phone on said friend when she was in the middle of saying something. Just now. Wonky. SORRY, I thought we were done talking! XD Hey, is a "hacksaw" a real thing anyway?**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. But I do own Grey's Anatomy Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. **


	31. Driving Range

-**Edward**, _Bella_, Alice, **_Jasper_**: Charlie's House!

**Bella, what is that bump on your forehead from?**

_You know, the usual, and stuff. _

_ **Driving Range...**_

**You took BELLA to a DRIVING RANGE?**

Well, you were hunting, and we were bored... and stuff.

_MY FOREHEAD! IT BURNS!_

_**It was really funny...**_

_Nuh-uh, because, like... it just wasn't. _

**How did that even happen? **

_Alice hit me in the head with a club!_

NO I DIDN'T! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!

**_Kay, well, we were in my car, totally jamming to Liza Minelli, _**

**You were listening to Liza Minelli?**

**_It was "Cabaret"! Get off my back!_**

**Heh! **

_And we pull into this driving range thingy-bob, and start playing, and I go to hit the ball, and it ricochets of the club, and hits me in the head!_

I was rolling on the ground laughing.

_And the bump got bigger, and I was like "AHH! IT'S NIGHT MAN!" and it got all purple-y. _

_**GIRL! Purple is NOT your color!**_

True dat.

**What have they done to you?!**

_Corrupted my youthful innocence._

**Oh, my poor sweet Bella! It'll be okay!**

**_What good is sitting, all alone in your room? Come hear the music play..._**

You do a wonderful Liza impression!

**This is what I get, for leaving you alone with them. **

_I will never be the same again. _

_**Psh, you so will!**_

_Probably, after I get some sleep. Mmm! I love sleep!_

Way to rub it in.

**_Butt head._**

****

* * *

**The driving range/ golf ball thing, actually happened to me, and my dad laughed, and laughed. It hurt. So, me and my dad were getting our chinese food order, and the song "Cabaret" comes on, and he goes "IT'S LIZA FING MINELLI!" I was like "yeah, and how do you know?" "HELLLLOOO. IT'S CABARET! AND EVERYONE KNOWS LIZA MINELLI!" He knew all the words. **

**My middle finger feels like its going to fall off. **


	32. Extra Large Pockets

* * *

**-Edward, **_Bella, __**Emmett: **_The Cullen's Living Room!

_**BELLA! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL SOMEONE? PUT THE NEEDLE DOWN BEFORE ANYONE GETS HURT!**_

_What? I'm just knitting._

_**Is that what you're calling the big blob of barney colored yarn?**_

_Yes. _

_**I bet you're going to stab someone in the eye, just because you're Bella.**_

_I HATE YOU EL DIABLO!_

**I happen to love… that thing you're making, Bella! Uh, what exactly is it?**

_You made me drop the stitch-y thingy! And, it is a body suit for Scampi!_

**A body suit?**

_Yes, because he will be totally adorable!_

_**AH! WATCH WHERE YOU POINT THAT THING!**_

_IT DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH YOU!_

_**YES IT DID! IT DID! IT SKIMMED MY EYE BALL!**_

_BECAUSE YOU WERE ALL UP IN ITS GRILL!_

**Hey, Bella, watch the candle!**

_Eddy-poo! I am arguing with El Diablo! I have no time for such trivial things as candles!_

**Yeah, but your body suit is getting really, **

The two god-like, and incredibly dim-witted vampires, and plain old human watched in horror as Bella's large swatch of yarn caught on fire. "AHHH!" Bella screamed, running around in circles, and flapping her arms, as if she were about to take flight.

Edward examined it for a moment, and produced a fire extinguisher from his pocket. "Wow, you have big pockets." Bella said, stopping to stare. "I need to keep many things in my pockets." Edward replied, pulling the pin out of the thing-y, and squeezing so the white foam would come out.

He pulled a charred chunk of yarn from the foam, and handed it to Bella. "HOORAY! IT'S FINISHED COOKING!" She shouted, hugging it to her chest.

**

* * *

I learned how to knit yesterday! It is so much fun, and stuff. XD I have 26 rows done, and it is a big purple blobby thing. **

**I was thinking "Hey! What if Bella learned to knit?!" and out popped this chapter. Ack, my index finger hurts, because I stabbed it repetedly with my knitting needle. ALSO. With a chapter reccomendation from -Insane-About-Twilight-, I am going to write one about TOOTHPICKS ya'll! **

**Haha, I am just chock full of inspiration now. **

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. **


	33. Bubble Wrap

* * *

_-Bella, _**Edward, _Emmett:_**The Cullen's House! 

_Eddy, what is El Diablo doing with all that bubble wrap?_

**I have no clue.**

_I have a hunch that it has to do with my dog._

**I think you're right.**

**_Hee hee!_**

**Emmett, are you still bent on torturing Scampi?**

**_Maybe..._**

_Where is Scampi anyway?_

**_NO WHERE! HE'S NO WHERE!_**

Scampi wobbled into the living room, and tried to jump onto Bella's lap. Since the small dog was wrapped in bubble wrap, it was nearly impossible.

Edward gasped, and stared aghast at Diablo. "You were going to wrap Scampi up in bubble wrap and PUNCH him?"

Bella tripped over the coffee table, and landed on a huge pile of the plastic bubbles.

She giggled. "HA HA! IT WENT POP!"

"WELL. I, WAS. IT WAS. FINE. I WAS GOING TO PUNCH THE DOG."

Emmett cried out, flipping his hair.

"WHYY? WHYY?" Bella said, picking up Scampi, and popping another bubble thingamadoo.

"...Because it looked fun..."

"You're a sick man, Charlie Brown."

* * *

**I know, you were probably expecting the toothpick chapter, but that is to come when you least expect it. c:**

**My friend Alexis and Me were at my friend (and BETA) Bee's house, and Bee's dog Molly came out, and Alexis goes "It would be fun to wrap Molly up in bubble wrap and punch her!"  
I thought it was funny, and she goes "You should write a chapter about that!"**

**NO, we did not do that, and do NOT plan on doing it. Sheesh, who actually punches dogs? xD**

** Now, on a more serious matter, I got a review from EmmiLuvsEdwardCullen that said "haha!!  
just for you to know, someone is copying your work.."  
Does that mean that someone is just doing a note passing story, or are they copying things I use in my chapters? (like The Mysterious E, Giant Pockets, Scampi peeing on shoes...)**

** If it's just a note passing story, I don't care, because I know I'm not the first person to do this, but if it is my ideas, then that just ticks me off.  
Sorry for the semi-long author's note!**

**DISCLAIMER: Nothing Twilight related, or Charlie Brown.**


	34. The Toothpick of Extreme Excellence

**-Edward, **_Bella: _Charlie's House!

**Bella, would you like me to get you a spoon?**

_No! I am determined to eat my corn flakes with a toothpick! DANGIT! It broke!_

**Did it just fly into your bowl?**

_I don't know, do you see it anywhere?_

**No. Maybe you should just get a fresh bowl then?**

_That would be a waste! I'm sure I'm smart enough not to swallow a toothpick._

**Sometimes you can't be too sure…**

_YES! TRIUMPH! I GOT IT ON THE TOOTHPICK!_

**Because your cereal stuff is all soggy now. **

_You killed my moment Eddy-poo. _

**I'm sorry. **

_No you're not. _

**Yes I am. **

_Nuh-uh_

**Yes-huh!**

_OUCH!_

"What is it Bella!?" Eddy asked, concern coloring his tone. "SOMEONE TOTALLY JUST STABBED ME!" Girlish giggles of delight came from under the table. Edward whipped his head under, and cocked his hip out. "Jasper!" Jasper rolled out from under the table, humming the mission impossible theme song. "Guuuurrrl, PLEASE!" He said, snapping. "Jasper! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER MY TABLE WITH TOOTHPICKS!?" Bella said, her eyes wide, and a corn flake stuck to her chin.

"You know, stabbing people with my toothpick of extreme excellence...and stuff…" He whispered, jabbing Edward in the side.

**

* * *

HOORAY FOR STABBING PEOPLE WITH TOOTHPICKS! **

**I am sad to report, that this may be my last chapter for a while. NONONO, I am definetly NOT leaving fan fiction!! I just have a really really really bad grade in math, because I failed a pop quiz, so my mom might not let me get on the computer. Don't worry, I understand what we are doing in Algebra now, I'm actually a smart person--just not a good test taker. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**


	35. Broken Radios, REPRISE

-Edward, _Bella, _Alice: The Cullen's House!

Where has the world gone?!

THIS IS HORRIBLE. MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!!

No they aren't.

Well…. No, but look! Scampi just peed on the floor!

Are you blaming the music?

YES.

I think he just got overly excited.

Sure…

"EDDY! PLEASE CHANGE THE STATION!"

"Bella, PLEASE clean up your dogs pee!"

"AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT!" Edward and Bella stared at Alice, slightly scared. "Alice, how many times have you watched Transformers now?"

"…five times…or something."

"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me! They could care less as long as someone will bleed. So darken your clothes, and strike a violent…"

Edward quickly changed the station, while conspicuously scratching his, er... Crotch.

"I've got a problem, with everyone I know. I got a problem I want everyone to know. I got home late from the PUNK ROCK SHOW, I'll say it sucked because I'm emo…"

"AGH!" Bella weakly threw a shoe at the stereo, it landed a few inches from her socked feet.

"Hey, Bella, I like your toe socks. The froggies are cute!" Alice squealed happily.

The radio was switched again.

"Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City, you're a thousand miles away but girl, tonight you look so pretty yes you do!"

"DIE!"

"It's Brittney bitch!"

"What the f?"

"Soulja boy!"

"AHHHH. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

The radio landed on the floor of the living room, shattering to a bazillion pieces.

"Thank Ringo!"

"Time of death… 9:39."

**

* * *

I painted my nails yellow, they look coolio. HEY. GUESS WHAT THIS MEANS. I'm like, totally not grounded! My Algebra teacher decided not to count the quiz grade against me, because he said "Detention, and doing homework for no points is punishment enough." (I have a lunch detention tomorrow.)**

About the chapter. You probably noticed, that it is basically a newer version of "Broken Radios". I've had people say "Can I see that chapter" but I'm not sending it, and I'm not reposting it anytime soon.

This is not meant to offend anyone, and I'm really sorry if it does. I actually like the Patent Pending song, "Cheer Up Emo Kid" ((their only good one in my opinion XD))

The other songs in this are just ones I hear on the radio WAY TOO MUCH, and I am totally sick of, or just don't like. (coughcoughteenagers) Sorry, I'm just not a fan of MCR, or Hip Hop or Rap or top 40 hits. I LURVE MUSIC FROM THE 90's.

DISCLAIMER:

"Teenagers" "Cheer Up Emo Kid" "Hey There Delilah" "Gimmie More" and that song by 'Soulja Boy' or whoever, all belong to their rightful owners (My Chemical Romance, Patent Pending, Plain White T's, Brittney Spears, and Soulja Boy)

I own nothing related to the Twilight Series.

ps: The authors note is like, longer then my actual chapter. XDDD


	36. He was a fish named Ringo

-Alice, _Bella, _**Edward: **Bella's Room!

What are you going to name your fish Bella?

Optimus Prime!!! What are you going to name YOUR fish A-dizzle?

I…. I don't know! HOW COULD I NOT KNOW!?

I dunno. Maybe you just can't think of a name.

But I ALWAYS know!!!

Sheesh, don't need to go all conceited like.

I'm not! I just don't like not knowing.

Welcome to how the rest of us feel.

Shut up Bella! This is a matter of life and death!

How about Ringo?

Ringo. You want me to name my fish of extreme awesomeness RINGO?

Yes.

Hello Bella, Alice. Why do you have fish?

Because we went to Petco to buy them.

But you already have a dog.

Yes, and I love my dear little Scampi, seizures and all, but I just wanted a fish too.

M'kay then. So, what did you guys name the fish?

Well Eddy-poo, I named mine Optimus Prime, and Alice's is RINGO!

NO IT ISN'T! IF I NAMED HIM RINGO, ALL THE OTHER FISH WOULD MAKE FUN OF HIM!!!

NO! Because Optimus, would be all like, Transforming into a giant robot and stuff and kick their little fishy hineys!

YOU LIE!

Next thing you know, you guys will be stealing rabbits…

…That's not a bad idea.

ALICE! I was JOKING, you dingbat!

* * *

Maharajah . Wow! I typed in "Mu ha ha ha." and it put Maharaja. Weird. Okay, so, I want to go to the petstore, and buy two fish, naming one Optimus Prime (Transformers was awesome. XD) and the other one Ringo, after Ringo Starr (from the Beatles). 

The bunny thing, was something Alymora suggested for another chapter, but I wanted to add it in here.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.


	37. Gayocity?

**-**Alice_ Bella,_** Edward: **Charlie's House!

Eddy, we know your secret. 

_ What secret?_

B-money, play along!

** What secret would that be Alice? **

The one about you and Mike Newton.

_Why do we always pick on Mike?_

Because it's fun!

_ Yeah, it is pretty swell!_

Swell...right...okay, back to Eddy and Mike Newton!

_ Eddy-poo, are you cheating on me with that crack whore!?_

** WHAT?! NO!!!**

_ Then what is your big secret Alice is all "woo-hoo-i-know-something-you-don't-know-doo-dah-doo-dah"_

Because...

**Because...?**

EDWARD WANTS NAKED TIME WITH MIKE!!!

** I want WHAT with MIKE NEWTON?**

NAKED TIME!!!

_ ...You want naked time...with...Mike?_

** I DO NOT WANT NAKED TIME WITH MIKE!**

It's okay Eddy, no one is making fun of your gay-ocity.

** I do not have 'gay-ocity' **

_ NOOO! I CAN'T BELIEVE I TURNED EDWARD CULLEN GAY!_

** I AM NOT GAY. I LOVE YOU, AND ONLY YOU BELLA! A GIRL. FEMALE, OWNER OF A VA-**

_ Okay, don't go there. _

Does that word embarass you?

_Maybe._

HAHA. THIS WAS A FUNNY JOKE

**  
**

"A-dizzle, I hate you."

"I love you long time Bella!"

"That was creepy."

"Yeah, it was" Eddy-poo said, still ticked off that Alice said he had gay-ocity.

"Eddy, don't be maddy-poo! It was just a joke!"

"You're a butt!" He retorted, pouting. But it suited him, he was sexy no matter what!

"Three, six, nine! The goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on a streetcar line! The line broke, and the monkey got choked, and they all went to heaven in a little row boat!" Bella sang, jovial, finishing off with a mini can-can.

"What? Don't you like my singing?" She asked, hurt.

"Um...uh...I, think I left the oven on..." Alice said, running at vampire speed to her porsche.

"LIES! YOU DON'T EVEN EAT!"

* * *

******Haha. Naked time. Inspired by potterpuppetpals. XD  
(Also, a mini-joke with my friends)  
My friend Alexis said Bee wanted to have naked time with G-moe (a guy in our Algebra class) and the girl we sit next to, Ana, goes "G-moe! Bee wants to have naked time with you!"  
It was really funny.**

******DD: I think, it would be the end of the world if Edward Cullen was gay (Like Dumbledore, did anyone else hear about that on the news?). Alice saying Edward had "gay-ocity" was inspired by a JacobxEdward fanfic I saw in the archive once. (But didn't read, I was just like "NUH-UH GIRLFRIEND") **

******DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. **


	38. Pants

_-Bella, _Alice: Forks High! _  
_

_Hey, Alice, do I have a stain on my pants?_

I don't know, I can't tell!

_Well, it's like, on my... butt._

How did you get a stain on your butt?

_I think I sat in something!_

Well, stand up and walk foward!

_FINE._

"Okay, keep walking, keep walking."

"OOF!" Bella bumped into a bench, and fell over "WHERE DID THAT BENCH COME FROM?!" She screeched, rubbing her knee.

Alice was too busy laughing to notice, so Bella hit her with her sweater. A button on the front crumbled to a kajillion pieces.

"YOU BROKE MY BUTTON!" Bella cried, eyes filling up with tears.

"YOU HIT ME ON THE ARM, AND I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL IT!"

"YOU SAID EDWARD WAS GAY!"

"YOU SANG OFF KEY, AND HORRIBLE!"

"Oh yeah, well... YOUR MOM!"

"YOUR MOM!"

"WHAT DO I DO NEXT?"

"YOUR MOM!"

"WHAT!?!?"

"AHHH."

"YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT!!"

**

* * *

...me and my friends are very interesting. Or psycho... not sure which. This is based on actual events. In Algebra today, my friend asked my other friend "What do I do next?" (It was about a problem on our worksheet) and she goes "YOUR MOM!", (if you catch my drift, you'll get why that's ddddiiiirrrrtty!) because she thought she said something else. It was hilarious, yet disgusting.**

At recess, I asked my friend if I had a stain on my pants, and she goes "I don't know, walk forward." and I wasn't paying attention, and I walked right into a bench and fell onto it a little. So I hit her with my sweater, and she was like "OW. THAT HURT!" Cuz my sweater has big buttons.

DISCLAIMER: NO. Nothing at all.   



	39. I'm Every Woman

**-Edward, **_Bella,_and a Super Secret Guest: Charlie's House!

**He's watching us. **

_Who? _

**Charlie. **

_Yep. He's probably wondering what we're writing. _

**Is he still mad at you for going to jail?**

_I dunno. He's the one that put me there anyway!_

**Yeah. ACK. Do you smell that!?**

_Smell what?_

**That awful smell!**

_Hmph. Well, I don't have super vampire fancy pants smelling, now do I?_

Hi, Bells.

**EW! Who gave you the paper? Huh? Who done it?**

I have my ways.

_Jacob. _

Nice to see you too!

**No one wants you here.**

I want me here. Because I'm all "wooooo!" and stuff.

_No you're not._

**HAHAHA.**

_What?_

**Just reading his thoughts. **

…It's….nothing…I….

_What is he thinking!? OOH. TELL ME!_

I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

**I can't sleep.**

Oh yeah? Well. EAT DOODOO.

**O-kay then…**

_TELL MEEEEE!_

**He's singing a Whitney Houston song**.

_Isn't she a crack head?_

OOH. DON'T GO THERE GIRL! No, she isn't anymore.

**I'm every woman…**

… _JAKE. You're singing THAT song?_

It was Billy's CD!

**YOU LIE. **

_Was it the 'Bodyguard' soundtrack?_

Maybe…

Hahaha. You listen to the Bodyguard soundtrack!! 

Just one song…

_Aw, that's cute. _

HA. TAKE THAT LEECH. SHE SAID I WAS CUTE.

_But Eddy-poo is like a greek god_

**UH-HUH. IN YO FACE!**

Pwned.

* * *

**Buh-nuh, Buh-nuh. JAWS!! Anyway. Here is a Jacob chapter! YAY! I got this idea, when my mom was listening to the "Bodyguard" soundtrack in the car this morning, and I was like "HAHA. IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF JACOB BLACK LISTENED TO THIS CD." It's one of my mom's favorites. XD**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. **


	40. Hoover

**-Edward, **_Bella:_Charlie's House!

**Bella, would you like some help with that?**

_I think I know how to use a vacuum. _

Bella stared at the Hoover vacuum with courage. All she had to do was find an outlet to plug it in. "Bella, are you sure you know how to use it?"

"Yes Eddy-poo. I just need to find that dang outlet!"

Eddy-poo, being ever so helpful, plugged it in, and stared at Bella.

"Psh, I could have done that too!"

"Okay. Now, Just turn it on."

Bella looked at him, a bit frightened, and the blood flooded to her cheeks.

She walked around the vacuum, and Edward turned away from her, to answer his Cellular-mobile-device.

"AHHHHH." Bella landed face first onto the carpet.

Edward tried to hold in his laughter, and helped her up.

"I BLAME YOU!"

"Um, Bella… crack kills."

* * *

**O.o I was at this reunion thing with my mom, and we had to clean up. So I got the vacuum, and my mom asked me to plug it in.**

**When I go to do so, I (being me) trip over the bright yellow cord, and fall down on the floor, banging my knee really hard in the process. Oh yeah, and my pants fell down. My mom was like, cracking up, and I'm just sitting on the floor, like "What the hell just happened?" **

**Good Times. **


	41. We stole Water!

-Alice, _Bella: _An Undisclosed Location!

Omigod Bella, I have THE greatest idea EVER!!

_Are we stealing another shopping cart? Because I'm all out of Scooby bandaids… _

NO! It's even better!

_Are we going to be arrested? _

Possibly.

_Charlie won't be happy if I get arrested again… or "assault" Mike Newton. Pff. _

TALLY-HO!

"Okay, are you ready Bella?"

"Idk, my BFF Jill?"

"WHO IS JILL!? HAVE I BEEN REPLACED."

"No. I don't even know who Jill is."

Alice and Bella stalked into the "Exit" way of Walmart, earning glares from the man in the Superman hat, and Justice League shirt. "Mother Smurfers!"

A wrinkly old lady sat on a folding chairs by the carts.

Bella grabbed a cart, and Alice jumped in.

"CHOO CHOO!" Bella giggled, pulling a Danimals yogurt from her pocket.

"It's like magic! NOW TO THE ICE YOUNGIN!"

Bella pushed the cart to the large freezer that held ten pound bags of ice, and started loading the bags in.

Soon, the cart was full, and Alice was buried alive… or… dead… however you would like to look at it.

Bella tried to push the cart. "NOOO! THE INERTIA IS ALL WONKY!"

She tried again, and the cart went rolling, she clumsily ran after it, screaming at the top of her lungs.

The cart along with all the ice, and Alice flew out the  
"Entrance" side of Walmart, and down the road.

Bella caught up to it, and jumped on top, Alice's head pocked out from the pile.

"YESSSS! VICTORY IS OURS!"

"TOILETS!"

* * *

**Me and my dad went to Walmart, because we had to get ice, and when we were coming back out, the old lady had to check our receipt, and my dad goes "OMIGOD. WE STOLE WATER!" (No, we really didn't.) **

**My dad hates when people go in the Exit side, and out the Entrance sides too. **

**He also has a Superman hat and Justice League shirt. XD **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! **


	42. Hullabaloo!

**-Edward, **_Bella:_Bella's Room!

_Can I eat it? _

**Eat what? **

_My balloon. _

**Why would you eat your balloon? **

_Because it's shaped like a cupcake, and making me hungry. _

Yes, but if you ate (or attempted to eat) said balloon, it could get stuck in your throat, and you would die.

_Well, I can't help that I'm hungry!!_

No need to cause a hullabaloo.

_Did you honestly just say hullabaloo? _

**Yes, what's wrong with the word hullabaloo? **

_You sound like an old man is all. "WHATS ALL THE HULLABALOO YOU RAGAMUFFINS?" _

Well, technically, I am an "old man" 

_No, you're just fancy shmancy, and can live forever. I'm glad you're not a curmudgeon. _

Yes, I do not like being Bitter.

_Me either!_

Oh! I hear Charlie coming.

I better pretend to sleep… 

Okay Bella, he's gone.

…**Bella? **

**Oh, I guess you're asleep. **

**Goodnight. **

"I love you." Edward whispered, stroking Bella's hair.

"Stupid cat, NO! Get offa the muffin platter!"

Edward chuckled to himself.

* * *

My friend Alexis and I were texting just moments ago, and she goes "My neck hurts." And I said "Then eat a balloon." No idea why. XD

**Hullabaloo and Curmudgeon are two vocab words for my reading/writing class this week. We chose are own, and compiled them onto one list. (Curmudgeon and Asphyxiate were my group's words.) **


	43. IT

_-Bella, _**Edward:** The Cullen's House!

_I hate it, I want it to die. _

**Want what to die?**

_That torture that I have to endure ever day, THE FIELD. That stupid field!_

**Oh, you mean Gym? **

_YES. I hate it. Oh how I hate it. _

**Did you have to run around the field? **

_Twice, in eleven minutes. Have you seen how big that field is? Have you!? And I can't run to save my life for pity's sake! _

**I'm sorry. **

_No you're not. _

**Yes I am!**

Okay, I believe you!

**  
**

* * *

**AUGH. I hate the days when I have flag football. We have to run around this big old field TWICE, in eleven minutes, and if we don't, then for the rest of the period, we have to walk around the field by ourselves. I made it in ten-minutes fourteen-seconds the other day, and thought I was going to keel over and die. XD**

**DISCLAIMER: (gar, I keep forgetting about this thing!) All characters and such from the Twilight series, do not belong to me! **


	44. Tiny Pants

**Edward, **_Bella:_Biology!

**Bella… what is that? **

_I'm not sure… BUT. STEVIE WONDER, HE WONDERS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!!_

**Where did you get that? **

_Stevie Wonder, or this giant arm leech? _

**That isn't a leech. **

_Well, it's all red and… stuff. And… Inflamed. _

**Did you get a TB Test done? **

_HEY. I think I did!_

**Didn't Carlisle give you one?**

_Jiminy crickets, I guess he did!_

**Are you bleeding? **

_I'M NOT BLEEDING. I'M DYING. _

**Okay false alarm. **

_GIRL! DON'T MAKE ME SLAP YOU!_

**Did you sleep last night? **

_Nope. I couldn't sleep, so I watched movies with MATT DAMON in them. _

**You watched the 'Bourne' movies? **

_I'm going to learn how to assault someone with a ball point pen._

…

_That guy had a teeny knife!_

**Hey, why is Mike Newton in a neck brace? **

It is possible… that Alice and I… ran him over with a shopping cart full of ice.

**It's always the blonde perverted ones. **

* * *

**DANKE! This is very random, because I am loopy and tired. Me and my friend Alexis were discussing how tall her brother is, and she was like "Yeah, like 4'11" and I go "Isn't that how tall Alice is?" and then we were like OMIGOD. It was funny. Ps: Sorry for that lame chapter 43. Blech.**

**MIKE NEWTON! I LOVE YOU! XD **

**DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING whatsoever. **


	45. Thanksgiving!

**-Edward, **_Bella: _Charlie's House!

**What are you doing Bella? **

_Cooking, it's Thanksgiving. _

**And on Thanksgiving you like to baste large birds, and stick them in the oven? **

_Yes, that's the fun in it. _

**Oh. And I should mention, Alice and Emmett are planning on coming over… for the dinner. **

_NOOOO!!_

**They're bringing ice. **

_Oh, that's good the ice machine is broken. _

**What are you doing now? Violating the turkey!? **

_No Eddy-poo, I am putting the stuffing back in, because it fell out. _

**Eww, you put bread inside the turkey's butt? **

_Don't you remember Thanksgiving from your human days? _

**Vaguely. **

_Eddy, what makes you happy? _

**You. What makes YOU happy? **

_Aww, that's sweet. And… killing people. _

…**WHAT!?**

_JUST KIDDING. _

**Sometimes I can't be too sure. **

_HOLY MUFFINS MADE OF CRACK! DINNER IS READY!_

**And Alice and Emmett are here. **

Bella finished setting everything on the small kitchen table, and tripped into her chair.

Charlie, walked in and took his seat, glaring at Edward, and beaming at Alice. Amazing, he still liked Alice even though he had to arrest her for running over Mike Newton with a shopping cart and disturbing the peace!

"Let's say grace. Emmett?"

Charlie was afraid of Emmett, but he tolerated him for Bella's sake.

"Rub a dub dub, let's eat some GRUB!" Emmett finished off with doing a one-man wave.

"Okay…"

"I am thankful for such a great meal and a great daughter." Charlie said, eyes misting over as he got sentimental.

Bella went next.

"I am thankful for Edward, and Dad, and my dog Scampi, but he is hiding in my room because Emmett is holding a grudge against him for peeing on his shoes. AMEN."

Then Emmett.

"I am thankful for my Italian leather shoes."

He got blank stares.

"Err… Alice, why don't you go next?"

"I am thankful for MATT DAMON!"

"What about Jasper?"

"Yes, but I like Matt Damon too."

Edward went last.

"I am thankful for Bella, and the wonderful uh…_life_ I have now."

Emmett and Alice started laughing, and Charlie turned red.

"OKAYHOORAYLETSEAT."

* * *

**Sorry for the delayed Thanksgiving chapter XD **

**I've just been bouncing back and forth from my mom's to my dad's house, so it's been hard to sit down and write. **

**Anyways, when we were saying what we were thankful for, my mom goes "Ali, what are **_**you **_**thankful for?" **

**And I go "MATT DAMON, AMEN." **


	46. Scampi and the Bean Dip

**-Edward, **_Bella: _Charlie's House!

_Did you drop bean dip on the floor? _

**Well, I don't eat human food, so… no. **

_Well someone did, because I stepped in it. _

**It's still on your foot? **

_Yes, why? _

**Didn't you say that Scampi made a mess on the floor? **

_Are you saying… that… I stepped in his… poop? _

**It is a possibility. **

_OH GOD. IT SMELLS BAD!! _

**IT IS POOP! **

_EW! GET IT OFF! _

**NO! YOU GET IT OFF! **

_I NEED A PAPER TOWEL! _

**That is disgusting. **

**

* * *

Wow, I haven't updated in a while! Since… November!? I'm sorry ya'll! Anyway, I spent the night at my friend's house this past weekend, and they have two new puppies Sergeant and Tator, and one of them made a poop on the floor, and I stepped in it in my barefeet. D: (Haha, bear feet!) **


	47. Freak House

**-Edward, **_Bella:_Somewhere in Forks!

_LOOK AT THAT ONE!_

**It's so... **

_Outrageous? _

**I thought you might say marvelous. **

_That giant snow globe just put me in a bad mood. _

**Why? **

_They creep me out... what if there was a dead body in it? _

**Err, good point? **

_OMIGOD. FREAK HOUSE!_

**Bella... **

Edward and Bella stared open mouthed at the elaborately decorated house. Strings of lights hung from everything, with large lawn ornaments covering every free space, bordered by plastic candy canes from the ninety-nine cent store. It was... the freak house.

"They decorate for every holiday, but you never see them do it." Bella said, her eyes wide. Edward' mouth twitched into a smile.

Bella grinned, and started singing. "FREAK HOUSE! Doo doo doo doo POW!"

Edward joined in, "FREAK HOUSE!"

A tiny security camera watched their every move...

* * *

**When I lived in my old neighborhood, there was this house that would always be elaborately decorated for every holiday. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, Saint Patrick's Day, and when there wasn't a holiday, there would still be a boat load of stuff decorated their lawn and house, thus, the Freak House. Me and my Dad would always sing "FREAK HOUSE! Doo doo doo doo POW!" when we passed it. (: **


	48. Pop that Trunk!

-Emmett, _Bella: _The Cullen's Backyard!

Okay Bella, once more.

_What am I supposed to do again?_

Pop... lock... and drop it.

_Okay, so I move my feet like this... _

NO! YOU DON'T MOVE YOUR LEGS!

_EMMETT! YOU SAID I WAS SUPPOSED TO MOVE MY LEGS!_

NO I DID NOT.

_Whatever. _

"Like so," Emmett said, demonstrating the perfect "pop, lock and drop it". Bella's eyebrows furrowed together, like a caterpillar. "Okay, I think I can do it."

Bella twisted her feet, and crouched down--the totally ghetto white version. Edward stared in awe. "Bella... what are you doing?"

"Killing for Jesus."

* * *

**At my winter dance for school, my friend Nikki taught me how to pop, lock and drop it, and I look totally white--which I am--but I think it's the funniest thing in the world. I don't even remember why I learned how to do it... I dislike hip-hop/rap music (no offense if you listen to it.) **

**PS: WHO GETS MY SONG REFERENCE "Killing for Jesus"??**


	49. Teriyaki

_-Bella, _Alice,**Edward: **Biology!

_I need to look it up!_

Look up what?

_Terryyaki _

That isn't how you spell it, it's terrieaky.

_No it isn't!_

We'll just ask our Student Dictionary.

_...IT ISN'T IN HERE._

Well maybe we're spelling it wrong!

_Or maybe it isn't even in here. _

**What isn't in the dictionary? **

_Terryaki. _

**You mean teriyaki? **

That so isn't how you spell it!

**Yes it is. **

Nuh-uh!

**Alice, you're about a hundread years old, and you don't know how to spell teriyaki? **

Maybe...

_I misspelled caffeine and vacuum on accident today. _

**How did you manage that? **

_Well, I thought vacuum had two u's but, I doubted myself, then I forgot the first E in caffeine. _

HA. Even I know how to spell vacuum!

**It would be a shame if you didn't. **

* * *

**In writing, we had to do a Spelling Bee thing, and I could not figure out how to spell teriyaki for the life of me! Even though I am a swell speller, I have my off days. (HA. I spelt caffeine and vacuum wrong by forgetting the first E in caffeine, and putting two Cs in vacuum instead of two Us) **


	50. Bella versus The Yoyo

_Bella, _**Edward**: The Swan Residence!

**Bella, please try to not give yourself a concussion. **

_This is just a Yo-yo Edward, how could I possibly inflict damage on myself with it? _

**Because you cannot walk on a flat surface without tripping? **

_Oh ye of so little faith, I am planning on proving you wrong! _

**Is that so? **

_Yes, if you would stop distracting me. _

Bella, hell bent on conquering the dangerous "around the world" trick flung the yo-yo in a half circle, before her index finger slipped from the tiny hole knotted on the yarn. The neon colored toy smacked her square above the eyebrow. She yelped in pain, and covered her eye.

Edward, though concerned for Bella's well being was holding back his laughter.

"Are you okay?" He asked calmly, walking over to her.

Bella removed her hand, and an indent of the yo-yo was left above her eyebrow, along with a rapidly growing bump.

**

* * *

Please refrain from using the word "gay" as a descriptive word for my story. It just makes you sound ignorant. **


	51. How to be Fancy

**-Edward, **_Bella, _Emmett: The Cullen's House!

_Emmett, do I have to wear the top hat and monocle?_

Yes, they are the most important aspects to this.

_All right, I'll wear them._

Don't sass me boy!

_Sorry, but I'm a female. FEmale!_

I think that I realize this.

_One can never me too sure._

**Bella, why are you and Emmett wearing top hats and monocles?**

_Emmett decided he was going to teach me how to be fancy._

Yes, and it involves top hats…

**I thought you had a deathly fear of top hats Emmett.**

_You're afraid of a TOP HAT?_

Yes. When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city,

_To see a marching band?_

No! He took me to buy a top hat. And then… it got stuck on my head.

_You do have an abnormally large head._

**Ha! He slightly does!**

Bella was laughing, and Edward was laughing, and Scampi was laughing in his mind. Emmett was sulking in the corner, when Bella suddenly started choking! Her eyes filled with tears, and she was making weird croaking noises. "Oh no! Bella is choking!" Emmett said, stating the obvious. A pretzel chunk flew out of her mouth after Edward hit her on the back.

"Where did you get a pretzel from?"

"I have my ways."

* * *

**I was watching Fuse with my sister, and the music video for "Welcome to the Black Parade" came on, and I couldn't stop laughing. I find it to be extremely funny. xD  
**

**Then just now I started choking on a pretzel. Yup, fun times.**

** DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING.  
**


	52. WORD FIGHT!

_Bella, _**Edward,**_ **Emmett**_, Alice: The Cullen's Kitchen!

_Homogenous _

Fraxinella

_Obelisk _

**_Obloquy _**

****

_Pantothenate _

**_Repugnant _**

****

Skeg!

**Not to barge in on your... game, but, what pray tell, are you doing? **

_We're in the middle of a word fight! _

**_Chyeah! You totally just interfered! _**

****

You sound like a valley girl when you wrote that Emmett.

**_How could I sound like it if I was writing? _**

****

**Well, you did sound like a "valley girl" when you said it in your head. **

That proves my assumption.

_When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me! _

Thanks for that Bella.

**Altruism. **

_That was a good one! _

**_Boo! You stink! _**

****

Like badgers!

**_I remember when I tried so hard to grow a beard, but I just couldn't do it. _**

****

_You can't grow a beard, you're a vampire. _

Oooh! BUUURRRN.

**My kinship with these people must have been while I was under the influence of something. **

_I can't wait until I'm a vampire. I will go on escapades beyond your wildest dreams! _

**Like when you rented the moon bounce and made me go inside of it? **

_Yes. _

I don't think that would work when you're a vampire though, because it wouldn't be able to handle the strain of all of our weight.

**_ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT!? _**

****

_Emmett, you guys are basically made of granite. Eddy, why are you not arguing? _

**About you becoming a vampire? I'm just keeping it inside, because the idea of spending an eternity with you is comforting. **

_Freezie Pops are my comfort food! _

* * *

**All of the words in the word fight are real. I was flipping aimlessly through the dictionary and though "Hey, why not?". NOW I'M OFF TO WATCH _RAIN MAN_! **

****

****


	53. Here We Go

_-Bella, _Rosalie: The Cullen's House!

Oh, my, gosh!

_IT CAN'T BE!_

BUT IT IS!

_OMIGOSH!_

Bella and Rosalie jumped to their feet in a bonding moment, and turned the radio up louder.

"Here we gooooo..." They screamed with girlish delight, and started a choreographed dance routine to one of the greatest boy band songs ever written.

_"Here we go one more time  
Everybody's feeling fine  
Here we go now_

_Yes yes yes here we go!  
Nsync has got the flow!_

_Bounce your head to the beat,  
We've got everything you need  
Here we go now"_

Edward walked into the room completely absorbed in his thoughts, when he stopped in his tracks and stared aghast at the two girls. They...were..._bonding_.

"EDWARD. COME BE J.C!" Rosalie screamed--which was totally unnecessary in a house full of vampires.

Edward was still standing stock still when the song ended.

"Eddy, are you okay?" Bella asked in concern, her moment of complete coordination finally ended.

"It... brings back terrible memories."

"What are you talking about?"

Rosalie giggled almost maniacally, " He's just talking about when I made him go to an Nsync concert, and we were almost savagely attacked by rabid fan girls."

* * *

**My dad and I were in the car, and we at the exact same time start singing "Here We Go" by Nsync. Ahh, good times. I am not ashamed to admit that I've been to one of their concerts (I was like, five) !**

** DISCLAIMER: I [obviously own nothing!  
**


	54. Scampi's Problem

-_Bella_, **Edward**: Bella's Room!

_Edward, I'm afraid that Scampi has become a nymphomaniac. _

**What led you to this discovery?**

_My mother's intuition!_

**Your… mother's intuition?**

_Yes, I believe Scampi is addicted to you-know-what._

**Bella, I highly doubt that Scampi is addicted to doing the nasty-nasty.**

_You only say that because you're virtuous._

**No, I'm saying that because Scampi spends half his time inside trying to gnaw off his butt. I mean, he's been in that e-collar for nearly a year!**

_Emmett has emotionally damaged him. _

**Maybe we should take him to a dog therapist.**

_  
_

_Really? _

**I guess…**

_I don't know, does Scampi really need to be evaluated when we know what the problem is?_

* * *

**I've been a very busy bee! I had an exam in Algebra, a science exam, My placement test for high school (!!), Frosh Night at said High School, And I have to write a biography on Winston Churchill, Revise this big poetry project that is due on the 30th, and on top of that, I have to write an essay on What I think Makes the Perfect NJHS (National Junior Honor Society) Candidate--which my teacher expects to be really good.**

**-head explodes-**

**Expect more chapters this weekend and Monday though!**


	55. Presents

_-Bella, _Alice: Bella's House!

_Alice__, do vampires celebrate birthdays? _

Well, I'm not sure when my birthday is, so I just count that I'm another year older--well, I don't really grow older but you get the point--when a new year is rung in.

_Yes, well, aside from you. I want to know. _

There really is nothing to celebrate.

_I see. So it would be wrong of me to get Edward something for his human-birthday? _

That's a compelling question. Maybe you should just ask him?

_But then it ruins the element of surprise! _

It wouldn't be much of a surprise after I had a vision of it and he saw that I had the vision.

_You're breaking my spirit Alice. _

I'm sorry.

_I suppose I can forgive you! _

What were you planning on getting him anyway?

_I'm not too sure, because the idea only now occurred to me. _

So you didn't give this much thought then?

_Nope. _

* * *

**Ha, ha. Even though Edward Cullen is fictional, his "birthday" is eighteen days after mine! (Check the Twilight Lexicon's timeline homeskillets!). **

**DISCLAIMER: All characters and things related to the _Twilight_series belong to Stephenie Meyer **

**  
**


	56. My Moustache and Me

_-Bella, _**Edward**: Biology!

_Edward. If you had a beard, and it stayed with you in the state you are now, would you shave it off? _

**Yes. There is nothing more disturbing then a teenager with a full beard. But, I never could grow facial hair. **

_Mike Newton has a moustache. It looks like one of those thin child molester moustaches. _

**Why didn't you say anything to him? **

_I just didn't have the heart to tell him. _

**You're just too nice sometimes, Bella. **

_Whatever Mister-perfect-mannered-boy-from-the-nineteen-hundreds. _

**He's looking at you, and thinking about how "sexy I am with a moustache" **

_Who, Mike Newton? Why is he thinking sexy thoughts about you? _

**NO. He's thinking he looks sexy with a moustache. **

****

_I will have to TAKE YOU DOWN Edward! _

**I'd like to see you try. **

_When you least expect it... I'll strike like a cougar! _

**I worry about your mental stability. **

_I worry about YOUR mental stability! Put THAT in your pipe and SMOKE IT. _

* * *

**The high school I'm going to next year came on Monday! I got Advance Freshman English, Biology 1-2, Advanced Integrated Algebra I, Wellness, Beginning Word Processing, French 1-2, and Beginning yearbook. I was going to submit this chapter I wrote on Saturday when my friend was spending the night and the power went out in my whole neighborhood (streetlamps and all!) but I lost it. X3**

**My friend Alexis tackled my friend Thalia this one time after she said "I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN." (or something like that). **

** ps: "Sexy Back" JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. xDD**

** pps: LONGJOHN AUTHOR'S NOTE (I blame _you_ Scooby-Doo!)  
**


	57. You Smell Lemony and DELICIOUS

**-Edward, **_Bella: _The Swan Household!

_Edward, trust me, I learned this from Rachel Ray!_

**I do trust you, Bella. But… I don't trust you when you have lemons and a microwave.**

_Oh ye of little faith, I am an excellent maker of lemonade._

**Are you sure they should be in there for that long?**

_Rachel Ray probably knows what she is doing!_

**Do you?**

_Yes! Charlie taught me how to make lemonade._

Edward watched the microwave with a cringe. The seconds ticked by, and nothing happened. Bella laughed, and stared at the lemons. A minute and twenty seconds left.

A loud **BANG **caused the microwave door to** thrust** open. Edward let out a sigh, as he and Bella were splattered with hot lemon goo.

"Ready to go see Carlisle?" Edward asked taking Bella's hand.

She let out a sigh of her own, and they walked to Edward's car.

"DAMN YOU RACHEL RAY!"

* * *

**My dad and I were making lemonade, and he puts the lemons in the microwave and he goes "Trust me, I learned this from Rachel Ray." And I start laughing, because it reminded me of this out-of-character Bella that I have in my story. X3**

**NOTE: My dad only put the lemons in the microwave for THIRTY SECONDS, it was nothing like when my friendsand I cooked an egg in the microwave, with loads of spices in it, and I thought it was going to explode. **


	58. Babies in my Pants

**Edward, **_Bella: _Biology!

_Edward, where do babies come from? _

**My pants. **

_You have a baby in your pants? _

**Yes. **

_LEMME SEE IT! _

**Bella, did it ever occur to you that I could just be humoring you? **

_Yes, but I know you would never lie about having a baby in your pants. _

**But I DON'T have a baby in my pants! **

_YOU BETRAYED MY CONFIDENCE! _

**How would I put a baby in my pants without it being blatantly obvious that it's there? **

_You're magical Edward! You can do ANYTHING. _

* * *

**I OWE YOU GUYS MORE CHAPTERS! Anyway… HOLY GUACAMOLE! 1236 REVIEWS?! ** **Lots of Lurve, ya'll!   
**


	59. Crying Contests

-Alice, _Bella: _The Cullen's House!

_How long is it until Edward is back? _

Two days.

_48 hours? _

Well, 47 hours, 12 minutes, and 15 seconds.

_What are you going to force me into doing? _

I've given up on you, Bella.

_WHY!? _

We can't use the microwave anymore, because you made the can of beans explode, and I am on strict orders not to go shopping.

_We should have a crying contest! _

Hmm…

_I bet I'll win! _

YOU'RE GOING DOWN SWAN.

_BRING IT ON CULLEN. _

Alice was staring at Bella with determination. Bella was sobbing in an attempt to make herself cry. Slowly, a tear made it's way out of her left eye. "I WIN! TOUCH IT." She yelled in zest. Alice started laughing, and soon they were both in hysterics. "How long now?" Bella asked, looking at the clock on the wall. "47 hours, 10 minutes, 8 seconds."

* * *

**So, on Friday night me and my friend Alexis were waiting for our friend Thalia to get dropped off at my house, and somehow we ended up having a crying contest! I won. xD Man, I have a boat load of chapters i need to type up! ( I either type them on the computer when I get inspiration, or in my Science notebook -- that teacher doesn't ever do anything in that class but give us five pages of notes to copy down.) **


	60. Zorse Party!

-**Edward**, _Bella: _Biology

_Did you know horses and zebras don't like to mate with one another?_

**Why do you know this?**

_Alice. She teaches me things._

**Remind me to have a chat with her later. **

_They call this one Horse/Zebra uber-animal the Zorse. _

**Bella, I don't want to know about the Zorse. **

_Methinks I'm going to tell you anyway. It is deformed in the face and all pretty on the bottom. I have a picture of it._

**Wow. A Zorse. **

_I know! It was mind boggling! And I was all "Ewughnagh."_

**Exactly like that?**

Bella nodded, and contorted her face into a grimace. Their teacher walked by, and stopped--intrigued. "It's okay sir, she reenacting her disgruntled look from when y dear sister showed her a Zorse." He shrugged, and pondered to himself what a Zorse was.

"I thought she was having a seizure."

"There is that possibility."

* * *

** Well, I was sitting in science eating my Quaker Mini-Delights and my friend Nilaja is talking about this Zebra/Horse--therefore a "Zorse" and I had a near-death experience when I started choking. It was a shame. **

**PS: I started a book community on Livejournal! The link is my "homepage", feel free to join. :) **

**PPS: HAPPY LEAP YEAR GUYS **


	61. Ho, Please!

_-Bella, _**Edward**: Math!

_So I was thinking. What if, we just committed Scampi? _

**There are no insane asylums for dogs. **

_He needs help, Edward! He won't eat... won't sleep! _

He's probably still reeling from when Emmett accidentally almost bit him on the head.

_Perhaps… or perhaps not, sir. _

"Miss Swan, please come and identify this… on the board." The biology teacher, Mr-Whats-His Face said, pointing to the spot next to **Mike Newton**, on the board. **Mike Newton **smiled. Bella walked up to the board, and studied the problem. **Mike Newton **gripped his chalk. Bella quickly solved the problem, and raised her hand. **Mike Newton **erased her answer, and laughed. "AW! You ho!" She said loudly. **Mike Newton **started laughing. The teacher started laughing. Bella re-wrote her answer, and shrugged it off.

* * *

**I was in math, and I had to go up and do a problem. I was next to this guy, and I raised my hand when I was done, and he was like "NO! She doesn't have it!" (or something like that, I don't remember), and I went "AW! You ho!" and everyone—even the teacher—was laughing, because I never talk in that class, and then I make this out burst. It wasn't _that _funny, but I still heard about it a ton of times afterwards. Pretty lame update, guys. xD **


	62. Ketchup Anyone?

**Edward, **_Bella, **Rosalie**_: The Cafeteria!

**_Bella, are you okay?_**

**She keeps gagging, but I don't know why.**

**_Does she need the Heimlich maneuver? Is she silently choking?_**

**I don't believe so. Maybe it has to do with the ketchup.**

_Ketchup is the bane of my existence._

**_Why is this?_**

**Yes, why have I never been told of this?**

_A few years back in Phoenix, I was eating ketchup_

**_You were just plain eating the ketchup? Why would you perform such a disgusting act?_**

_I was eating ketchup with my FRENCH FRIES. And… there was a chunk… in my ketchup._ A chunk? Exactly what was this a chunk of? 

_It was a chunk of God knows what, Edward. It ruined ketchup for me._

**_That was highly entertaining!_**

_I'm glad you find my pain so enjoyable, Rosalie._

**I don't know if I followed completely, Mike Newton kept intruding into my mind with his immature and slightly perverted thoughts.**

_Oh, that Mike Newton!_

* * *

I detest ketchup with every fiber of my being. At my school once, this girl put a very very very very large amount of ketchup on her tray, and I gagged the whole day. It has severely scarred me. Look out for the "Nice Balls" (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!) chapter. :) 


	63. Nice Balls

_-Bella, _**Edward, **Alice: The Swan Residence!

What do you have planned tonight, Bella?

_Charlie is hosting a dinner for all the people training at the Police Academy, and I told him I would help._

YOU'RE LEAVING EDWARD FOR CHARLIE?

_You make it sound incestuous. Go die, Alice! _

Oh, how your harsh words hurt me! It's too late for that though.

_Where is Eddy-poo? He is usually involved in this note passing for posterity._

**I am here. However, I am just an observer. **

_Oh poop! Time to go._

Charlie and Bella arrived at the Academy in record time! Several trainees, whom Bella had never seen, greeted them. Charlie was chatting up this one guy, about… _balls. _The guy was holding a bag full of dodge balls, as Charlie examined one. Bella was drinking from a bottle of water. "Yeah, those are some nice balls!"

Bella let out a cackle, and dribbled water down the front of her shirt.

Charlie shook his head. "My poor, poor, daughter. Don't say _balls _in front of my eighteen year old."

* * *

**Me and my dad were at this thing called "Dinner at the Dorm" (For the Airmen on the AFB), and he was talking to this one Airman. Apparently, they were going to play dodge ball later, and my dad says really loud "Those are some nice balls!". **

**I started choking on my water, I was laughing so hard. I have a dirty mind some times. (:**

**Oh, I also think I should tell you: THE END IS NEAR, for my note passing story. :( **


	64. Let's Fight!

_-Bella_, Alice: The Cullen Residence!

_You know what, Alice? _

What? 

_Sometimes I just want to fight you! _

YOU want to fight ME? Why? 

_It's just this urge I get. _

You know I could… easily kill you? 

_Yes. That's why I never try to fight you._

I would suggest you never fight me. 

_I'll fight you with my bear hands. _

Don't you mean bare? 

_No. Bear. _

* * *

**I think it was two weeks ago, my friend Alexis and I went to this promotion meeting at school, andwhen we were walking out Isaid: "I'LL FIGHT YOU." And we started fake fighting, but then she kicked me in the thigh, and we went from there. This kid in our class was staring at us the whole time. **

**I've been watching "Fight Club" too much. **


	65. I'm Roger!

**-Edward, **_Bella: _Edward's Volvo!

_I'm going to do it Edward. _

**No. You can't. For the love of all that is good, and sane, please... just... don't. **

_The music is in my soul. I can't contain it for much longer. _

**Bella, please. **

_You can always sing it with me._

**Isn't watching the movie with you enough? I can't handle re-living the AIDS epidemic all over again. **

_YOU JUST HATE IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME MORE THAN LIFE. _

**I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. **

_WHY? WHY? WHY? _

**Just sing. SING IT. **

Bella took a deep breath, and pressed "play" on the CD player. She and Edward had a half-hour to spare before classes started. Bella knocked on the dashboard, and opened her mouth to sing.

"What'd you forget?"

"Got a light?"

"I know you... you're, you're shivering."

"It's nothing they turned off my heat, and I'm just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle? What are you staring at?"

"Nothing. Your hair in the moonlight... You look familiar. Can you make it?"

"Just haven't eaten much today, at least the room's stopped spinning anyway. What?"

"Nothing, your smile reminded me..."

"I always remind people of... who is she?"

"She died, her name was April."

"It's out again! Sorry 'bout your friend. Would you light my candle?"

Curiously enough, when Bella sang Mimi's part, it was in a man voice, and when it came to Roger... a high pitched woman-voice.

By adding interpretive dance, she added much more pizzazz to her routine. Edward stared in awe.

"Well?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh the wax!"

"Its dripping... I like it between my..."

"Fingers! I figured. Oh well, goodnight."

"Bella? Bella! **Mike Newton** is staring." Edward poked Bella harshly, but she kept on belting out the words, oblivious to how...ah, special she looked.

"It blew out again?"

"No, I think that I dropped my stash!"

"Okay Bella, that's enough." Edward shut off the CD player.

Bella growled. "BUT I'M BORN TO BE BAADDD!"

"Sure you are."

* * *

**Long time no Fan Fiction, eh? I have been taking standardized tests all week, and before that, preparing for said tests. I would like to point out one thing. I do an excellent one-woman rendition of "Light my Candle". GETTING PUMPED FOR MAY 10 (when RENT is coming to my state on the off-Broadway show). And it is even more difficult to teach my mother the words to "Today 4 U" then it is to teach my friend Bee to knit. Expect a few more chapters--maybe I'll get inspired while going to see "Prom Night" with my friends Alexis and Bee.**

**_I do not own anything having to do with "Twilight" or RENT. _**


	66. Smoothlike

-_Bella, _**Edward**: The Cullen's Backyard!

_Should I go with the polka dots, or the SHINY one, that looks like shiny undies?_

**Shiny undies are not a flattering look for anyone. **

_I bet YOU wear shiny undies!_

**Go with the polka dots. **

_Okay. Do you want to wear my other bathing suit?_

**I don't think a bikini would be too flattering. I'll just wear my "swim trunks". **

_Shiny. Undies. _

**Swim. Trunks. **

_Why are they called swim trunks anyway?_

**Just go and put on your bathing suit. **

_Don't you need to put yours on?_

**Mine is already on. **

_WHY ARE YOU SO FAST?_

**I'm a vampire, if you do recall.**

Bella emerged from the house clothed in a polka dot bikini. It was an uncharacteristically sunny day in Forks, and Bella would use it to her advantage. The Slip and Slide Charlie got her for Christmas would not go to waste.

"You have to go first, Edward." She instructed, taking the hose away from him. He scrunched his eyebrows together in a fashionable way. _He's so fashionable! _Bella thought to herself. "Why do I have to go first?"

"Because, Sir Elton John, you are all…_smooth._"

"I am offended."

"By your smoothness?"

Edward sighed, and ran vampire speed to the Slip and Slide. He dove on, and slid across on his belly. But no, it didn't stop there! He kept sliding, until he ran into an unsuspecting oak tree, rattling it's leaves.

"ENCORE!!" Bella whooped it up by herself back at the house.

**

* * *

******

I HAVE UPDATED. Even though this wasn't an original idea of mine. We all need to thank Bee, who came up with this idea. (Though I wanted to do something involving a slip and slide after Field Day at my school.)

**SHE WILL BE COMPENSATED WITH DEAD KITTENS. (But not really.) **

**Hooray for Slip –n – Slide guys! (I so want one for my 14th birthday)**


	67. ImplodeExplode

-_Bella_, **Edward**, Alice: The Cullen's House!

_Shall we commence?_

Commence with what?

_Oh, you know. _

Do I?

_You see the future--you know. _

So this is some hardcore knowing, is it?

_Yes. Yes it is. _

**Can we get on with it? **

_You don't think I can do it, so you know what? I will make you wait and wallow in your agony of...waiting._

You've befouled me for the last time!

**Alice, your input isn't needed while I wallow in my "agnoy".**

_Memory! All alone in the moonlight!_

DON'T EVER DO THAT IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN. EVER.

**That was horrible! **

_I guess my Broadway dreams have come to a screeching halt. _

They were never going anywhere.

_It's time._

Bella smiled as she set Edward up in front of her. He sighed, shaking his head with pity. "You didn't have to comply with my wishes, Eddy."

"But I love you, Bella."

"Aw! I love you too sweet cheeks!"

Alice watched, while simultaneously sticking legos to the tops of her fingers like monster claws.

"Ready, Edward?"

"Not in the least."

"Good."

Bella brought her hands together as if she were going to pray, and closed her eyes--trying to concentrate on the task at hands. With her hands. Making Edward explode.

They began to shake--Bella's hands, not the people in the room.

Edward suppressed his laughter, doubting Bella would make him explode. "I'M DOING IT!" She yelled excitedly, opening her eyes. She frowned, and put her hands down, dejected.

"It's okay Bella, we can try again next Sunday."

* * *

**I am dedicating this to Bee, who watches "Charmed" and wanted a chapter where Bella tried to blow Edward up with her hands. If you remembered, yesterday (May 10) was RENT!! I have to say, it was...amazing. The best promotion gift ever! My friend Alexis and I couldn't stop saying how amazing it was (literally. I must have said it more than five times) . If you ever get the chance to see it live, GO. **

DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Cats" (for the "Memory" reference)--but don't know why any one would want the rights to that--nor do I own the "Twilight" series.


	68. Mom!

_-Bella, _**Edward: **Biology!

_Mom, I really don't—_

**Excuse me? **

_What? _

**Bella. **

_Oh my goodness! Did I call you MOM? _

**Yes. Yes you did. **

_EW. IT'S LIKE INCEST!!_

**No it isn't! YOU ARE JUST A FOOL WHO THINKS I'M HER MOTHER.**

_NO I DON'T. _

* * *

**I called my friend "Mom" during Algebra yesterday. 'Nuff said.**


	69. Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!

-Bella, Edward: Charlie's House!

**Bella, I honestly can't take you seriously in that mask.**

_Oh. But really. You can._

**No, I can't. Why are you wearing it again?**

_Because you wouldn't, and I feel like being angsty._

**Wearing the mask makes you feel angsty?**

_Enough banter, Eddy! When do we commence with the singing?_

**I hate to ruin your "Phantom of the Opera" fantasy, but if you make me sing, or we watch the movie one more time, I'll rip my teeth out.**

_IF YOU WOULD SING THE PHANTOM'S PART--or at least Raoul's--I WOULDN'T MAKE YOU WATCH IT ANYMORE. It's just not right when Alice sings it. It just...isn't. _

**And here I thought we only watched it because you think Patrick Wilson is a 'hot chunk of man meat'. I'll just ignore that last part.**

_Do I detect jealousy?_

**Not particularly. Last week it was Captain Jack from "Torchwood". **

_Then we went and kissed that man. _

**I do recall.**

_Back to business. WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST WEAR THE MASK?_

**If it makes you happy, and you stop drooling over Raoul and the Phantom.**

_OKAY! I love you more anyway._

**Good. Now hand over the mask. We have to make this snappy.**

_THAT IS SO DELICIOUS! _

**...**

_Honestly, it should be illegal. It's almost NC-17. You look better than Gerard Butler!_

**Bella, I worry about your mental stability.**

_Me too, Eddy. Me too._

* * *

Haha. Remind me never to write a chapter while extremely sleep-deprived. _Phantom of the Opera _is my current obsession! I told my dad while we were watching it "Christine is with Raoul because he is a hot chunk of man meat.". THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERRRE!! INSIDE YOUR MINDDD!!

On the flip-side...I AM NO LONGER AN EIGHTH GRADER! I promoted on May 23rd. It was exciting and sad. I was awarded the citizenship award! Sadly, I won't be going to the same high school as any of my classmates, INCLUDING my best friend. I'll miss almost everyone, but some more than others.

IN OTHER NEWS: MY BIRTHDAY IS IN FIVE DAYS! Weee! I may even write a special birthday chapter. xD

This concludes my long author's note. Just so you know, I have many many many ideas for new stories, and new chapters for this one. Happy Reading!

**Disclaimer: Owner of nothing but four AA batteries. **


	70. Virtues are DELICIOUS, okay?

-_Bella_,** Edward**: The Cullen's House!

_Edward, I think it is time. _

**Time for what?**

_It's time you surrendered your virtue to my VIRTUE JAR!!_

**You have a virtue jar?**

_Not yet. But I will. Oh, I will. _

**I don't know if I can accept your witty antics today. **

_BUT EDWARD. OH EDWARD! _

**Yes? **

_IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE FINALLY ABLE TO WEAR DEPENDS, AND GET THE SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT ON MOVIE TICKETS!_

**I should kill Emmett. I really should. **

_Then you wouldn't get your present. It's a great present. Fabulous even. Would I lie to you?_

**You shouldn't have gotten me anything.**

_But I didn't!! Now close your eyes. I promise not to try and burn you with the candle lighter as I did with Alice yesterday. _

**You tried to burn Alice with a lighter?**

_Not just any lighter...a CANDLE lighter! We wanted to see if she was flammable! Now stop changing the subject. You will endure this present, and you will LIKE IT. _

**If I must. **

_Now open!  
_

**Is this what I think it is?  
**

_AN ELMO CAKE AND HOMEMADE UNDERPANTS! I knit them myself! _

Edward held up the pair of blue underpants, knit with a scratchy wool. They looked more like bikini bottoms then a pair of men's undies. "Shall I model them for you?" Bella snatched them from his hands, and slipped them on over her blue jeans.

"Yes. Later. I'll kill him then."

* * *

**HERE IS THE SPECIAL BIRTHDAY CHAPTER EVEN THOUGH I WROTE IT IN THREE MINUTES.  
**


	71. A Horse of Course!

**Edward, **_Bella, _Alice: Bella's Room

Bella, we both think it is time for your intervention.

_I know Alice. I know. _

Your mental capacity seems to have gone down quite a lot. It's not healthy. Did someone replace your brain with a ball of lint?

_Not that I'm aware of. But I'm pretty sure Emmett would try to if you gave him the idea._

**Don't worry, he is next on our intervention list. **

_You have an intervention list? _

**Yes. We keep it in a notebook. It goes all the way back to my years of rebellion. **

_You were just a rebel without a cause. Like James Dean. _

**No. I had my reasons. **

_You ruined my whole reference to pop culture! _

Oh you silly cucumbers! BACK TO BUSINESS.

_Sheesh, Alice. No need to get snippy. _

Bella. Why do you think we need to have this intervention?

_Because you can no longer handle my witty antics, and magical adventures!_

This should be easier than I thought.

**I wouldn't be so sure, Alice. **

_Like that time when I asked Emmett to give me a tattoo of a horse._

**You have a tattoo of a horse? **

_It's on my tummy. Would you like to see? _

**You do realize that that is temporary tattoo…? **

_Yes. Why would I get a real tattoo of a horse? That would be weird. Incidentally, I do have a big ball of lint some where. _

Me too! I collect balls of carpet lint. Except once I found a piece of hair in it. That was just skeeve worthy.

_I named mine Mandy. _

I just call mine "The Lint Ball".

**I feel as if I am the only sane one anymore. **

_You might be, Eddy-poo!_

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO FIND A QUIET CORNER IN THE LIBRARY, OKAY?

_Ooh la la!_

* * *

**My dog is giving me the evil eye. Anyway. I AM POSTING THIS FROM MY NEW AND BEAUTIFUL SONY VAIO LAPTOP! Greatest birthday present--well, not as great as my Canon PowerShot. Thank all of you guys for wishing me a happy birthday! We celebrated with High School Musical Cupcakes, and my mom and friends sang "Seasons of Love" to me instead of 'Happy Birthday" at my request. Now, I must go try to finish "Atonement" (the book).**


	72. Big Egos!

Bella, Edward, Emmett, Alice: The Cullen's!  
_  
I beat Emmett three times in a row!_

**Yeah, rub it in some more Bella. **

I think I might. I feel so superior!   
**  
I think if he could, he would cry. Really, he would. **  
_**  
It's just a game Eddy-poo. Like I really care. **_

_Lies! All of it! You hate the fact that I beat you! A fragile, clumsy human beat a big bad vampire!_

Don't worry, Bella, we'll never let him live it down!

_Yes, you make sure of it. _

**Don't worry. We will.  
**_  
_**_Don't forget I can use plenty of things against all of you. Alice…Edward…you guys especially. Should I break out the Cullen family scrapbook?  
_  
****That doesn't seem very necessary.  
_  
No, I think it does._**

_What is so bad about the scrapbook? _

Esme insists on having pictures of every important event, or…a random event or memory she wants to keep freeze framed. It dates back to the times of just Edward, she, and Carlisle.

_I WANT TO SEE THIS. Emmett finds it would be good blackmail?_  
**  
You've wounded his pride, this is a big deal. **  
**_  
I'm back…and I've got it. _**

Emmett! It is just air-hockey. Don't be a big baby.  
**_  
I have a big ego sometimes. I need to get you guys back!_**

_LEMME SEE! LEMME SEE!_  
**_  
This is Edward as a newborn. Note his beautiful attire.  
_**  
_YOUR PANTS ARE TOO SHORT!!_  
**  
It was the fashion!  
**_  
Say what you want, Edward. I still love you, no matter how short your pants are._

**_Oh! And here is Alice…aren't her shoes lovely? _**

_Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. _

THEY WERE A GIFT FROM ESME.

**_Sweet! Sweet! Sweet victory!!_**  
**  
This is why we never play air-hockey with Bella. **

* * *

**My sister and I have played so much air-hockey it's not even funny. So, I was inspired after our many games. I have something to share with you all! It makes me crack up every time I think about it now, but…currently I am having an Audrey Hepburn movie fest (Audrey Hepburn is one of my favorite actors. I'm one of those people who prefer old movies over new ones), and after I had finished Funny Face I had put the case back in the box, because it is part of a box set. I went to put in Roman Holiday (which I'm watching now), but the part where you put the DVD keeps popping open.**

I hadn't taken Funny Face out yet. And Roman Holiday was just sitting on top of it. It took five times of the DVD slot popping open for me to figure this out. I am sleep deprived. xDDD


	73. Edward is a Snatcher!

_Bella, _**Edward, **Alice**: **Bella's Room!

**What are you reading, Bella?**

_Animal Farm. It's about….animals and stuff. _

**And what page are you on?**

_Page one!_

**I'm very proud of you for that. **

_And I'M very proud of you for being proud of me!_

**I'm proud of myself for understanding that you are proud of me for being proud of you for getting to page one. **

_I'm proud that you're proud of yourself for being proud of being able to understand that I'm proud of you for being proud of me. _

**We can't go on like this. **

_I'm trying to think of more things to be proud of._

**You should be proud that you made it through "Steel Magnolias" without crying. **

_Because I am the queen fairy!_

**That you are. **

How -

**Don't you dare finish that sentence, Alice. **

That was very rude of you. Very rude indeed.

_Edward is a snatcher. Snatcher!_

Haha, Edward is a snatc-

**SHUT UP ALICE. **

Hate to break it to you, but I am not speaking.

_By doing the can-can we can solve all of these problems. Including Alice's apparent dirtyness. _

**You have many musical fantasies don't you? **

_Why, yes!_

* * *

**I got "Animal Farm" the other day. It's good so far…the page and a half I've read. I started last night, but was too sleepy to go on. For some reason, watching **_**Moulin Rouge**_** inspired me to write a chapter!**


	74. Fava Beans

_Bella, _**Edward: **The Cullen's House!

_Eddy, I'm going to eat your liver._

**My liver is all shriveled up and dead. I will not allow you to eat my liver. **

_I'm going to eat your liver with some fava beans. _

**What next? You'll eat my eyeballs? **

_You're the one feeding me these ideas. _

**Would you really eat my liver? **

_I haven't decided yet. _

**May I ask what brought this on? **

_I'm modeling myself after Hannibal Lecter._

**Why does Charlie let you and Alice watch these movies?! WHY? **

_I spent the whole movie with a pillow over my face. I kept screaming, and Alice threatened to find my pressure point and make me pass out. _

**Alice might do that to you one day if provoked. I'd be careful, Bella. **

_Eddy, if I were a transvestite, would you still love me?_

**Are**** you a transvestite? **

_I don't think I am. _

**Then we don't need to worry about it for the time being. **

_Are you implying one day I'll be a transvestite? _

**I'm not sure at this point. Today you're pretending to be a cannibal. **

_Trasnny is at the bottom of my list._

* * *

**I've never seen any of the Hannibal movies, but for some reason, I like to walk around saying "I ATE HIS LIVER WITH SOME **_**FAAAAAAAVA **_**BEANS." sometimes. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the **_**Twilight **_**series, nor do I own **_**Silence of the Lambs**_**.**


	75. Hot Pants!

_Bella, _Emmett, **Edward: **The Cullen's House!

_Have you ever wondered why people get lip rings? I'd be afraid of it getting ripped out while I was eating something. _

**I question people's hat choices. I saw a boy wearing a fedora yesterday, and it wasn't a pretty sight. **

But… I wore a fedora yesterday.

**You see my point? **

_That was a disgusting hat. I'd advise you to never wear it again. _

**It was exactly like his pompadour phase. **

_Emmett, why do you commit such horrible fashion faux pas?_

I am quite stylish, thanks very much!

_You call that lumber jack flannel paired with cowboy boots stylish? _

Yes.

**Bella is right Emmett. You need some serious help. **

_It might be a job for Stacy London!_

Why do you people make me bring up painful memories?

**What painful memories? **

Bella's magenta pants. The ones she's wearing in a photograph from ten years ago.

_My magenta pants that I wore with my tacky pleather square toe boots?_

Yes.

_I USED TO LOVE THOSE PANTS. _

* * *

**I HAD A PAIR OF MAGENTA PANTS WHEN I WAS SEVEN. **

**How about you?**


	76. Left nostril on Yellow

_Bella_, **Edward**, Alice: Bella's Room!

_Ready to play? _

**I think so…**

Don't be so timid, Edward! TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

**I fear my manhood has already been confiscated.**

_By whom, exactly? ARE YOU HAVING HANKY PANKY WITH SOME FLOOZY?_

**NO. IT WASN'T A COMMENT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY. **

_You could have said that. You know how sensitive my brain is after listening to Nirvana.  
_  
I told you it was a bad idea, didn't I?

_When do I ever listen to you, Alice? _

Never.

_Exactly. It was like the time you told me not to open the door when you were driving, but I did anyway and got severe road burn._

Yes. It was like a repeat of that time you got severe carpet burn.

**And the time that you fell off your chair in Biology and got a concussion.  
**_  
Oh, all of these memories.  
_  
Are we going to play or not?  
_  
TO THE TWISTER MAT!_

Two hours later.

Edward spun the doohicky. "Alright, Bella. Right hand blue." Bella looked like she was going to burst into tears. "MY RIGHT HAND IS ALREADY ON BLUE!"

"RE DO! RE DO!" Alice chanted, seeming undisturbed by the fact she was twisted up like a pretzel.

Edward re-spun. "Left foot, green." Bella stamped her left foot on a green dot, a triumphant look in her eyes. Alice spun this time. "Okey-dokey Eddy! Left nostril yellow!" Edward glared, and craned his neck to see the real result. "EDWARD! EDDDDWAARRRD!!" Bella yelled, forcing him to look over at her.

She plunged her finger into his left nostril.

He stumbled, sending he and Bella tumbling down - her finger still submerged in his nose.

"Bella, kindly remove your phalange from my nose."

She gasped, and looked into his ocher eyes. "I can't get it out! MY FINGER IS STUCK IN YOUR NOSE."

Alice and Edward sighed at the same time. "Let's go see Carlisle."

* * *

In honor of Edward's fictional 107 birthday, I give you Bella's finger stuck in Edward's left nostril. In this day alone, I have listened to Nirvana much more than I ever hoped to! On a different note, I would like to tell you how much I enjoyed reading your reviews!

Edward'sBringinSexyBack: I am very sorry to hear about that unfortunate pair of overalls. They might be better then the pair of black velvet-like overalls with a matching denim shirt that I got passed down to me!

La Tua Cantante101: YOU WILL CHERISH THOSE PANTS AND YOU WILL LIKE IT. Even if that doesn't make sense in my state of sleep deprivation, I'm telling you from the very bottom of my heart. xD

Happy Reading!

* * *


	77. BELLA IS FORTUNES FOOL!

**Edward**, _Bella_: The Cullen's House!  
_  
Bella thinks that Edward is being a Prima Donna on this nice sunny day!_  
**  
Why is Bella speaking in third-person?**

_Because Bella is sick of the first-person routine that colors her day. _

**So, Bella would rather sound like a fool? **  
_  
BELLA IS FORTUNES FOOL. _  
**  
I am fairly sure Bella is aware that is Romeo's line. **

_You bet your sweet toes Bella is in the know!_

**Bella, can we please have a normal conversation? **

_I suppose I can oblige. Are you still angry that I stuck my finger in your left nostril? _

**I found it quite funny actually. I don't think Charlie was happy we almost had to amputate your finger. **

_It took a lot of pulling, but we finally got it out!_  
**  
I thought Carlisle might have a coronary when we walked into his study. **

_Edward…what if my finger had gotten stuck in your…brain? _

**I'm not sure. You had it stuck pretty far up, though. **

_We could have burnt my finger off. _

**No. **  
_  
You're right, it might have been uncomfortable for the both of us.  
_

* * *

Ughh. Let's just call this a filler chapter, okay? I am sorry for the lack of updates - a lot has been going on. I had a bad allergic reaction to something - and we still don't know what it was from - and had to go to the doctor, and get blood drawn (Incidentally, I don't handle blood or needles very well.) . That has been the big thing lately, and has occupied most of my time. I'm fine now, so don't worry. I just have to avoid all things with wheat, and nuts, because those are the two possible things. Bleh.

Now, to clarify for Bella Evans: Stephenie Meyer does not include Christmas in the books because 1: Bella doesn't move to Forks until after Christmas. She arrives in January (you can double check at the Twilight Lexicon) and 2: In New Moon Christmas happens during Bella's "Zombie Months".

It is not because it doesn't snow in Phoenix. The books do not even take place in Phoenix. And to also make you all more knowledgeable, it does snow in some parts of Arizona, such as Flagstaff, and Prescott. I can vouch for this, because I live in Arizona - though not in either of those places.

Sorry if I misunderstood your review, I just wanted to clear that up.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from the _Twilight _series, nor do I own _Romeo and Juliet_.


	78. Show me the money!

_Bella, _Alice: The Cullen's House!

_Alice, are we going to do something, or are you going to sit there, staring at that lemon?_

There is something about lemons, that makes me angry.

_Don't you mean bitter?_

Do you crack yourself up?

_Yes, in fact, I do. _

I wonder…

_You have your scheming face on. _

Is my scheming face sex-ay?

_No. _

That was like a stake to the heart, Bella.

_It's what I do. I crush people's hopes. I'm a hope-crusher._

Do you object to my delightful schemes?

_Of course not! They're razz-tastic. _

Ready to show them our Razzle Dazzle routine?

_Alice…you don't mean-_

Oh yes. I do mean-

_But, we can't! It isn't perfected yet! Emmett would be so upset that we went ahead with it without his approval. You can't just- _

Bella, we can go to-

_WITHOUT his approval? What if he locks me in the laundry room again? _

You were only in that laundry room for an hour, and you know it!

_BUT I WAS HUNGRY. _

TO THE-

_OKAY!_

Bella and Alice slowly tried to creep out of the house, only to be stopped by Esme's kind voice. "If either of you are brought home in the back of Charlie's cruiser again, you will be separated for a month. Don't test me." The pair hung their heads, and slunk out the front door. "Can we get arrested for this, Alice?"

Alice pondered the question for a moment. "Quite possibly. Is it illegal to dance in-"

"I'm not sure. But it may." Bella whipped a piece of cardboard from under her seat, and a marker from her pocket.

The girls arrived at their destination - the large fountain that was recently installed in Port Angeles. Large enough…for two people to dance in. Bella propped her hastily scrawled sign on the outside of the fountain's thick walls.

She pulled a thick sequins headband from her other pants pocket, and fit it around her head.

"UH-FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT."

As soon as Alice uttered 'eight', she and Bella began performing a perfectly synchronized dance routine. People stopped to stare, while also throwing pennies at them. Bella opened her mouth to yell, and felt a penny fall into her mouth. "NO! THAT IS HOW YOU GET MOUTH HERPES!" She shrieked, spitting out the offensive coin, an falling to her knees in the calf-deep water.

"BELLA SWAN. ARE YOU DANCING IN THAT FOUNTAIN FOR PENNIES?"

"Hi, Dad!"

* * *

**Does this chapter make up for my last one? It is actually based off of a story my friend and I wrote, about a man named Angel, who dances in fountains for pennies. **

**Guess who's going to a Breaking Dawn release party on August 1****st****? Are any of you planning to attend in your area? I'm going to one a long ways from my house, at a Barnes and Noble. **

**Happy Reading!**

By the way: I don't know if there is a large fountain in Port Angeles. Let's just pretend there is, okay?


	79. You wear that coat!

_Bella_, **Edward**: Bella's Room!  
**  
I can't believe it. You and Alice have finally pushed Esme to her breaking point.**  
_  
Charlie was very upset. He didn't like that I was dancing in fountains for pennies. _

**How long have you and Alice had this secret hobby?**  
_  
A few weeks. I'm surprised we were able to keep it a secret!  
_**  
Now you're not allowed to see each other for a month. **  
_  
At least I have you!_

**Unless Charlie finds out I sneak in through the window. That made me feel like a pedophile. **

_Have you ever considered wearing a black trench coat?_  
**  
No, actually. It would be fueling all of the vampire clichés.  
**  
_But no one--besides me--knows about your vampire-ness. _  
**  
In my mind however, it would be fueling the stereotype. **

_…I guess I'll have to take back that trench coat I bought you. _

**So you can buy me gifts yet I can't buy you things? **  
_  
Exactly! I love all of this logic!_  
**  
Bella?**

_Yes, Captain Edward?_  
**  
I'll just choose to not acknowledge that. Do you want me to wear the coat?**  
_  
Oh Captain Edward! Would you? _  
**  
If you want me to, I guess I can make an excep-**  
_  
PUT IT ON!_

**It's on! It's on!**  
_  
Hey…hey Edward…Are those the blue undies I knit you?_

**Sadly, yes. Esme made me wear them. **  
_  
I hope that no more men come on to you. _

**Bella! That man was not coming on to me! Why would a man hit on me in the first place?**

_Because you look bootylicious in your new coat!_

* * *

**What, what, what? I have not been inspired lately. ): Here's to hoping that I can write better chapters for you guys!**

"Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning.  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me. He was being real friendly,  
And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!" Avenue Q's _If You Were Gay_.

That's what I listened to while writing this chapter!  



	80. Hugo the Magnificent

_Bella,_ **Edward**: The Cullen's House!  
_  
Sometimes you make me want to punch a baby in the face, Edward. _

**Oh yeah? Sometimes you make me want to name a baby Hugo!**  
_  
HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING, TO SUCH AN INNOCENT BABY?  
_  
**Naming a baby Hugo is not as terrible as punching one in the face.**

_It isn't like I go around punching every baby I see in the face, yelling "WHY SO SERIOUS?" _

**And I go around christening babies Hugo?**  
_  
Just the other day when we went to visit Carlisle at the hospital, you called that baby Hugo!_  
**  
That's what the mother named him!**

_Really? She really named her baby Hugo?_

**Would you like proof?**

_I think I might, Hugo McHugo-Pants. _  
**  
I prefer Eddy-poo. **

_Alright Captain Picard!_  
**  
Are you still bitter that I apparently name babies Hugo?**  
_  
Yes. I am mentally scarred for life.  
_  
**Wait. I recall you telling me you were going to name your first born Hugo!**

_STOP TELLING LIES!_

**YOU DID!**  
_  
LIES! LIES!_

**I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!**  
_  
SHUT UP_**_!_**

**YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO THE NAME HUGO!**

* * *

**I was speaking on the phone with my friends, one of them being Alexis (****GetBackToMe ****on fan fiction, and this is me shamelessly pimping her), and I thought she said 1) She was going to punch a baby in the face, and 2) She was going to name her first born Hugo. I'm very sorry if your name is Hugo and I've offended you.**

**Because I like asking you all questions…um…I have to think of one…GIVE ME YOUR BREAKING DAWN THEORIES! :D Technically, it's not a question, but we'll just turn it into a contest! Give me your wackiest theories, and the one I like best will get a chapter based off of it. If you'd like to join in, all you have to do is review on this chapter with your theory!  
**

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or Star Trek...or The Dark Knight.


	81. Toilet Paper

_Bella_, **Edward,** Alice: The Cullen's House!

_This is some of my best artwork. Ever. _

**Is that…is that me? **

_There is one of Alice too. _

Really?!

_I couldn't forget to make an Alice one! It would be a crime against humanity!_

It most certainly would.

**It is surprisingly accurate. But, Bella? Why did you decide to do this?**

_Esme and I were bored, and she had a bunch of the toilet paper rolls…and paints. I was not allowed to use the glitter, for fear I would go on a glitter vampire rampage, and start a riot._

**You painted this all by yourself? **

_Yes, I can even blow my own nose! _

**I love it, Bella. **

_It loves you too._

I don't know how I feel about the Mike Newton one. It makes me uncomfortable.

**Why are there so many pins sticking out of his brain? **

_I think you know why, Edward._

**Are you taking that dream seriously?**

_I'll never be able to eat banana pudding again._

* * *

**If you thought this was the _Breaking Dawn_ theory chapter, I am sorry to disappoint you! That one will not be coming until August 1st! Feel free to still give your theories! **

**This chapter is actually…based on something I just did. I had an toilet paper roll, and some water color paints, so I decided to paint Mike Newton onto it - basically for my friend (it goes with her "I LOVE MIKE NEWTON" sign, which she wore when we went to the movies yesterday!). It will also coincide with Mike Newton day - which is Sunday, incase you were wondering. **

**TO END MY LONG AUTHORS NOTE: The movie said friend, said friend's new neighbor Kailey, and I saw was "Mamma Mia!". If you have read my latest fic, you will understand why she and I couldn't stop laughing during a particular scene. (y/y?) **


	82. How are you? Tiny BD spoilers

__

Bella, **Edward**: The Cullen's House!

Ca va?!

**Ca va!**

No, ca va?

**I told you; ca va!**

CA VA!?

**Ca va. **

CA VA?

**CA. VA. **

CA FREAKING VA?

**CA VA, DAMMIT. **

CA. VA.

**CA VA.**

CA VA?

**YES. CA VA. **

DAMMIT EDWARD! I'm having your child, and you can't even tell me what "Ca va" means?!

**…Bella. **

DON'T MESS WITH ME. I AM A HORMONAL PREGNANT WOMAN WITH A BROKEN RIB.

**"Ca va?" means "How are you?" "Ca va." Means "I'm doing well.". **

You couldn't tell me that before?

**I thought you were literally asking me how I was. **

Stupid, assuming, vampire.

* * *

**WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Who's updating? I'm updating. That's right. I am. And I think this is a very very sad update indeed. But… I have a lot of faithful readers out there, and I wanted to at least this as a way to apologize for being so M.I.A. for the last month or so. There has been a lot going on IRL, and I'm still recovering. **

**However, while sitting in French the other day (which is my favorite class, btw), I was thinking about how Bella and Edward handle the double meaning of "Ca va". Hence, this. **

**One last thing before I go; How did you guys like Breaking Dawn? **


	83. Generic

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**This is major suck, I know. I swore to myself I would never do one of these "Author's Note as a chapter" thing... alas, I'm doing it. Albeit many of you will be put in this position one day, okay? Take my word for it. Now, there might actually be a mini chapter attached to this note! WOO. SILVER LINING! I'm rambling. Sorry.**

**Anyway, this is basically me saying "HAY. COME LOOK AT MY BLOG, LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL." (Hold on, the puppy, Doctor George O'Malley is sniffing me!) And, I'm back. Now, to the point: because I don't want to do a chapter just for the sake of giving you guys (whom I adore!) my 'Breaking Dawn' reaction/opinion, I am giving you the link to my wordpress, which, sadly, isn't as amusing as these chapters. It's quite dull really. But, there are some pictures of me posted, if you've always wondered what I look like. **

**SO - go to fancifulgypsies(dot)wordpress(dot)com for my BD analysis. **

* * *

THE FOLLOWING NOTE CONTAINS BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS.

Bella, **Edward, ****Jacob: The Cullen's House!**

Jacob, we need to have a very serious talk with you.

It can't be too serious if you and Eddy are passing me notes.

This is me very amused at your... er... wittiness.

That looks like "wetness".

**You do smell as if you were splashing about in puddle of sewage. **

Because he was. Renesmee told me.

SHE was the one that pushed me.

You're getting bossed around by our almost newborn daughter?

**That's a hilarious mental image, Renesmee will have to show me after this.**

NOW. Back to this. JACOB: YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

We've established this before, when you almost ripped my throat out, when you heard I imprinted on Nessie.

THAT IS MY POINT. NESSIE? NESSIE? HOW COULD YOU?

Very simply, that is the point of a nickname.

**Bella, please don't punch him in the eyeball. **

ARE YOU TAKING HIS SIDE?

**NO! I am as much opposed to her being called Nessie as you are, but... it is kind of... adorable... and fitting... a little bit... but... just a little.**

I'm about one millisecond away from calling you a douche bag.

This isn't as bad as I thought it would be!

* * *

**Blagh. I'm rusty. **


	84. Teefs

**Edward, **_Bella_

_RTT I tried to sing the alphabet backwards? _

**Rat-tat-tat? **

_Like a wolf!_

**I'll disregard that, for now. **

_Eddy-poo… we need to talk about…. Full House. _

**Bella… **

_Those little girls are creepy! Have you seen their teeth? _

**Their TEETH, Bella? **

_That's right. _

**What do their teeth have to do with anything? **

_You better hold on tight, Spider Monkey. This'll take some explaining…_

* * *

**Oh hey, Fan Fiction! Haven't seen you in a while…**

**WHERE IN THE WORLD HAVE I BEEN? **

**Well, there is this thing called "High School" - it involves tedious tasks such as writing many essays about "Animal Farm" and drawing diagrams of cells, and cell membranes, and accelerated French 1-2! (Only because I'm a Nerdfighter)**

**To sum up the last two? Three? However many months: **

**-I met John Green, and walked out with signed copies of all three of his books. (My friend and I also got him to say happy birthday to the lovely ****lanna-miss sunshine from this site.)**

**-I can speak a bit of French. **

**-I fell in love with JD Salinger and Kurt Vonnegut. **

**-I reenacted the "SAY IT." "Vampire" scene too many times. **

**-I saw the Twilight movie. **

**-I didn't update any stories, nor did it cross my mind until today.**


	85. Russian Roulette

**As always, no copyright infringement is intended in the writing of this story. And, yes, I know that this is stupid, and extremely out of character. It's Fan Fiction, not actual Fiction. **

* * *

_Bella, _**Edward**: The Cullen Household

**Bella, is that really the brightest idea?**

_Of course not - but who's going to get hurt by it?_

**Shall we let Renesmee play, then?**

_Are you questioning my parenting skills?_

**Not exactly. **

_Vampires aren't allowed to play Russian Roulette now? Is that what you're implying?_

**I'm implying that I am questioning your sanity. **

_Nessie is with Jake. We're coo. We're coo._

**Bella, you should put the gun down.**

_EDWARD. I WANT TO PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE._

**WHAT IF YOU ARE THE ONLY VAMPIRE THAT CAN ACTUALLY DIE FROM A BULLET WOUND?**

_I AM UNIQUE!!!_

**You are, love, but… WE ARE NOT PLAYING IT GIVE ME THE GUN BEFORE I DO SOMETHING DRASTIC - **

_I AM GOING TO BITCH SLAP YOU. _

**GIVE ME THE GUN. DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOUR FATHER. **

_What will you say? "Charlie, Bella's got a gun, and wants to play Russian Roulette?" _

**No, I would say: "Bella is threatening to shoot up the Thriftway." **

_NO YOU WOULDN'T. I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU, EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!_

**ISABELLA MARIE SWAN CULLEN. GIMMIIIIIIIIEEE!**

_BAM_. The shot rang out - Bella laughed, staring at Edward's shocked expression. The gun had been pointed at her foot. Nothing happened. Edward let out a shaky breath.

Bella stared at Edward.

Edward stared at Bella.

They both shrugged.

"Emmett and I play when you go hunting."

* * *

**My, it's been a long time since I've written one of these. Perhaps it's because I've jumped off the Twilight bandwagon, and have been too busy to write new chapters? Well, I'm sorry to say, that this is the final chapter of ****Note Passing with the Cullens****. Thanks for sticking with me through the ridiculousness, and poor writing - usually done much too late at night - and for all of the wonderful (and not so wonderful) reviews! **

**Hope you're all well!**

**-A**


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